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Hi everyone I am new to this forum and only joined it when I became overwhelmed with things last work and contacted a support service line and they recommended joining a group chat to share ideas (and for me ease the pain) as its a release.
My husband and I have been separated for over (detail removed by Moderator) years now and we have five children who live with me and though we do not live together I do not feel safe and immune to him in my house as there is no visitation pattern in place yet and as when he comes there can be raised voices and using the F word at me in front of the children and so forth.
What really gets to me is the years and years of being called a mental person, a gold digger (because I refused he remortgage anymore)a person who needs immediate psychiatric assessment, a person he is worried for the children to remain with and so forth. With years and years of this, ( I am normally a tough person)I am weary and tired of the texts and emails repeating these.
I am starting on mediation/divorce God knows how I will afford it but I need to get a financial break from him and most of all I need some sanity in my life
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He has not lived with us for a greater part of the children’s lives as he left for yet another business venture abroad with our equity when my 5th child was (detail removed by Moderator) old and the oldest (detail removed by Moderator) and remained out there for (detail removed by Moderator) years only sending financial support for the first (detail removed by Moderator) months and did not visit in those (detail removed by Moderator) years. I struggled with these children and a full time 37.5 hour job and endless bills and mortgage payment, eventually I had to let the house out as I could not afford it and move into rented accommodation. After he depleted the equity he took with him and his second business failed, he came back and did not work for (detail removed by Moderator) so I was supporting him, after (detail removed by Moderator) the marriage fell apart again as he wanted us to sell the rented property so that he could start a 3rd business and with our low equity count and his history of re-mortgaging I refused and have ever since and then the abuse continues. I have not gone down the divorce road all this while, primarily because I am Catholic, next there is the affordability issue and finally probably because I am stupid? I have tried to reason with him on gambling away our equity on businesses that fail, on our ages and the fact that we are responsible for five children one in (detail removed by Moderator) school, the other going off to university soon and the rest quickly following to no avail.
I have long accepted that he is addicted to equity gambling and so I need to move on but can I with the constant abuse at every opportunity from him
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Hello and welcome. You define it perfectly in your post. You have a right to have no contact with this man. Even having children does not mean he has to contact you. Do you have a third party that would act as a go between. That he could email for access. Have you spoken to a solicitor. If you’re married then his debt is your debt so I would visit a good solicitor for advice. Ring the helpline on here and find your local women’s aid. Women’s Aid do not recommend mediation with an abuser. They just twist everything. It sounds like he brings nothing to the relationship?
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This is why it’s so important to get legal advice. You’re not separated in the eyes of the law. My legal separation date was the date finances were separate or my ex would have ruined me too. Financial abuse is also very common and I bet there is lots more debt that you don’t know about. Please ring Rights for Women or speak to a solicitor.
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My husband called me terrible names all the time in front of my (detail removed by Moderator) year old daughter
Mental f…..g b***h , lazy ,crazy , lesbian as an insult he hit my dog to upset me
As aggression escalated I just left one day into rented accommodation
I’m still doubting myself
My child thinks the sun shines out of him
And thinks I shouldn’t have argued back
I’m so anxious about my future and keep wondering was it so bad ? Is it worth all pain now
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