How do you get support when he is isolating you

[Elephanttrunk]

I mean how do I get support when he is isolating me.
Can’t go anywhere. Can’t use my phone without him checking it.
Had to delete my profile on here at the weekend. He saw it on my phone. Now I’m so paranoid.
And its horrible. At least I had one support coming on here now I’m terrified even posting this.

[fizzylem]

lie, do whatever it is you need to do E – just dont give up. Is he violent? Or is it emotional, psycholgical, financial? FL.x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Elephanttrunk
I am very sorry he is isolating you so massively, this is terrible.
Start by touch lock or passcode your phone. If you need help on how to do that pls let me know.
When exiting this site, turn your phone horizontal and you’ll see a green [EXIT SITE] option, use it when leaving this site so he won’t be able to track it and you’ll be safe and anonymous here. He won’t know it’s you because we have all very similar stories.
Don’t let him near your phone anymore. He has his own, he can play with his. Be possessive with your phone.
Then you call the helpline here to talk about an exit plan. Let them know when it’s safe to call you back.
If you do feel in any immediate danger you call the police, that would be your quickest way out actually.
Keep posting honey

[Wibbles]

You may be able to do private browsing on your phone that won’t show up in your history. If your partner is like mine he will get worse if you put a lock on it so don’t do it if it is likely to put you in danger. Could you get a cheap phone off eBay that he doesn’t know about just to post in here and make calls to support agencies?
So sorry you are going through this. Xx

[Escapee]

Hi,

Your GP can also support you. Once they know your situation, if he tries to come with you, the Dr will ask him if he would mind waiting in the waiting room.

They can help you to keep safe.

X*x

[Elephanttrunk]

Thank you all for your replies, this is why I need to be able to get on here, so much kindness and good advice.
I’ve just got to be much more careful coming on here. I just was in a really bad way the other day after a particularly traumatic night, it was so stupid of me to get caught.
I feel like I’m in much more danger now he knows that I am asking these questions.
I don’t think a code on my phone would help, he would just see that as “evidence” that I have cheated on him. Its physical emotional psychological financial abuse and I think there is sexual abuse but I’m so broken I can’t even tell. Its mostly psychological but it’s all getting much worse.
My gp is being really helpful but it’s hard to get out to see her but I did tell her recently how things are at home.
I know I need to leave I just don’t have any support and I’m finding it so hard to get the support I need to leave. I’m terrified cause the only thing I can do is lie to him but am terrified I will get caught anytime I lie.

[Lisa]

Hi Elephanttruck,

I just wanted to reply quickly as you’re sounding quite isolated in your situation, and to encourage you to keep reaching out for help; by the sounds of it you’ve received some good advice on how to stay safe on the Forum.

If you need some support you could also contact your local domestic abuse service who should be able to give you a 1:1 support worker/ some help around safety planning and leaving safely. You can find your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

If you need to speak to a Women’s Aid worker directly you can contact them via the webchat (currently running weekdays 10am-12pm) if this is safe for you to do so. You could discuss options around refuge/ injunctions if you need to: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Please keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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