Viewing 1 reply thread
  • Author
    • #16064

      I have a restraining order and so far since coming out of prison he has breached it.

      The problem is me! I am obsessed with looking what he is putting on social media. I have blocked him, but then set up different accounts to look! I know it is not helping me. He is still claiming his innocence! And with in hrs of coming out of prison wanted to punch someone in the mouth we all know who that would be!! So it really isnt helping me but how do i stop?? Its like he still has control over me?!!

    • #16066

      Hi, my ex had total mental control over me when we split although I didn’t see hear, or speak to him anymore, or have any contact with anybody that he knew. Mental control is so deeply hooked into us, it took me a long time to even begin to unhook the control. It is still there now though lessened. You are really doing yourself no favors by looking at his social media, it is keeping it alive & fresh in your mind. I can empathize though, when we first split up i read and re read emails that I sent to him when things were bad, just prior to the split and after it. I re read these emails a good 5 or 6 times each day & i memorized every word (they were long emails too). In addition to that I would ruminate so strongly, and have very clear conversations with myself as If i were speaking to him. I did this for at least 9 hours each day. I would walk down the road or be on my bike having a full blown conversation, it was about how I felt, what I wanted and what happened and ways of putting it right. I could not help doing these things and although they still happen they are definitely reduced. I thought afterwards why I did that and I think the reasons why is that It were my way of regaining control, i probably felt out of control at those points. I still wanted to talk and discuss things and finalize things and talk about what went wrong, whereas he gave me 100% the silent treatment throughout so I could talk about nothing. He had taken my control, although I ended the relationship. So when you say that you are obsessed with social media, do you think this is your way of keeping control of your life? I made a decision some time back to completely cut him from my life on social media, for me to try to look at his social media would cause me too much pain and keep him fresh & alive in my mind. You might find as the time goes on, your impulsion to look at his social media naturally reduces as my compulsion to re read emails and have conversations with myself did. A part of this is letting go which i’m struggling to do a little bit. I recommend you reading No Contact by HG Tudor & also Manipulated by the same author, both are free to read on Amazon. X*X (try not to worry too much, these really strong intense feelings gradually lessen) X (ps, also i’ve learned that abuse and bad treatment can be addictive, so when you say he wanted to punch you in the mouth, if i heard that I would have quite a strong need to contact the person, to make it right, to soften his agression. Maybe this is also what is going on for you).

Viewing 1 reply thread
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content