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    • #126670

      Sitting on my bathroom floor so i can get 5 minutes to myself. My hubby has been off all week and its been hell. Mood swings nasty comments trying to pick fights put downs constant accusations of having affairs just a horrible horrible week. I am on here alot im so sorry but I have nobody else our friends are OUR friends people think he is an angel and im just grumpy and ungrateful. I really have had enough. Im trying to take a little control but when i do he gets worse even more nasty. Some days its so easy to just give in. I dont want to keep living like this but how do you change things? Where the hell do you find the courage the balls to say right im done and leave? I cannot ever see myself not here with him, I just cant but I cant go on like this either. What a mess I am. X

    • #126672

      Hi Nbumblebee,

      Just wanted to say, I’ve probably not got much advice to give, but just know if you ever want an outlet, whether that be to just get things off your chest or just for a general chat, I’m more than happy to listen.

      I’ve been separated from my very controlling ex for numerous years now but due to sharing a child, he still continues to try and control me through my child which is very challenging at times. For me personally, it took a while for me to even recognise his behaviour. Something just clicked in me to say enough was enough and I begun to take each day as it comes.

      I’ve only recently posted and from many posts I’ve read, you are not alone.

      Sending you love and light x

    • #126675
      Put the kettle on

      Hi, have you been in touch with your gp or womens aid? They can maybe offer you advice about how to leave safely and offer support too. Leaving them does feel like a hard thing to do, you have to do what’s best for you though not him. You have to look after you and prioritise your safety.

    • #126682

      @princesslilac9 and @putthekettleon Thank you for your replies. I dont know what to do I really dont I know I cant keep moaning on here i know I cant go on like this its so hard each and every day I just hate waking up I really do. But I dont know how i could ever leave where I would go how I would cope alone after (detail removed by Moderator) years what about the kids? Would my husband cope? Theres just too much to worry about if I left far easier to stay. My oldest is due to leave home in (detail removed by Moderator) im worried things will get worse as the kids leave home and its just me left. But then i move to Im just being silly he doesnt hit ne im safe so what am i moaning about? Then it happens again he gets nasty he gets controlling and I just want to run.

    • #126686

      Hi nbumblebee,

      It sounds as though you’ve started the process of leaving already even if you haven’t realised it.

      You’ve noted the patterns of his behaviour and understood that you don’t want to put up with it anymore. You have recognised and started talking about the emotional and psychological abuse, which is just as damaging as physical abuse, it’s just harder to spot.

      Try to imagine your home with your children gone – flown the nest. If it’s just you and him in the house together, how does that make you feel. Try to really feel that life.

      You can do very well without him. I left after decades. Practically, it has been hard but it doesn’t matter. Life is so much better without an abuser in it. Initially it can be terrifying but with each hurdle you jump you gain a little more confidence. There comes calmness that you may never remember having experienced before. Without someone constantly draining your emotional reserve, you discover that you do so much more than cope, you actually start to live.

      From what you have said, I’m imagining you’re the same age bracket as me when I left, perhaps a couple of years younger. All being well you have a whole lifetime ahead of you yet. A lifetime with him or a lifetime without him – which feels best?

      The forum is an amazing place. Please don’t categorise your posts as moaning. You are not. Trying to clarify your thinking is not moaning. Everyone on this forum is or has been in your shoes and for many of us, the forum has been the best support we’ve had. Everyone understands you. xx

    • #126692

      Wow @eggshells Thank you so much for that reply. I needed that. All I really know is that Im done. Im exhausted with all this and something needs to change Im just not sure what yet. Sending you hugs and Thanks xxxxxx

    • #126703

      Hello nbumblebee.

      Sending you a big hug. I think we are both at a similar point in our journey. My husband doesn’t hit me physically, but he beats me emotionally until I completely crumble – there are no surface scars – everyone thinks he’s wonderful,just like you describe your husband. We have the support of this forum, thank goodness, and don’t ever think you are moaning, we are all here for each other. Sending you love and support xxxx

    • #126729

      @secretlife, Thank you I am so sorry you are going through this too. Is this all new to you as well? For me although ive been married a very long time its only been a few weeks that ive sat up and seen whats been going on. Its getting harder and harder every day. Some days I love him others I hate him. It really messes with your head doesnt it? Ibread on here about these amazing women who leave and i just wish that was me wish i could get out be me again I miss being happy I miss being calm I miss feeling loved. But I can never see me leaving and that makes me so so sad. Im not very good at advice secretlife but if you ever need to chat Im here.
      Sending you lots of hugs and support x*x

    • #126739

      I am sorry to hear you are having a bad time. My ex was very controlling and lying and tried constantly to get a reaction from me. It’s horrible but you can see it and there is plenty of support to help you with how you are feeling and to be there when it’s all too much. Please get in touch with your local women’s aid. Please don’t ever doubt yourself or blame yourself. You are deserving of being treated well xx

    • #126749

      @Thistle06 Thank you for taking the time to reply.
      I did reach out to my local womans aid whilst they were lovley I dont think that theres much they can do to help me as I had said I wanted to stay with him. I wish I didnt see what he was doing I wish I could go back as now I know the guilt is worse on the good days. I believe I have alot of thinking and soul searching to do.
      Many Thanks xxxxx

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