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    • #131442

      So I am out, for a little while now. Luckily we had no children so I am zero contact with him.
      But I just cannot stand seeing/saying his name.
      I just got a text from a friend saying she heard I left him.
      I was filled with anxiety and I cannot reply. I cannot talk to anyone who knew him.
      Actually after opening up to a few people (Some of my family, my support worker, my GP)
      I really do not want to talk about it. At All.
      Is that normal?
      I heard so much it’s common to have PTSD after leaving, what does that look like?
      I am on a waiting list for therapy with my local DA services but that could be by next year they say.
      Just wondering what other people experienced.
      Hope you are all well out there x*x

    • #131466

      Hello eyesopening – i think it is really common what you are describing I think denial, avoidance and the opposite over sharing are all really common. Surviving domestic abuse and leaving is such a hard thing so be gentle to yourself in your healing – I don’t think there is any right or wrong just go with what feels right for you. Anxiety that persists hypervigilance nightnares flashbacks can all be signs of PTSD and therapy can help as can educating yourself. I’m struggling today too and been out ages – so sending you warm wishes and just lots of understanding x

      • #131515

        Hey Watersprite, thanks for replying, I do get the nightmares or just generally bad dreams, last night I had a bit of a freaky one.

    • #131467

      This is interesting, in the first few months I was definitely oversharing, anyone and everyone got told. Then I started withdrawing..I’m the same , if see name or a photo makes me feel sick

      • #131516

        Hey Bettertimesahead, I understand, I cannot say his name, see a picture… Years of photos I can’t look at anymore. I hope one day I can see a picture of him and be ok!
        also music or films, or a piece of clothing that was his. Anything is such a trigger.
        I hope we all get better soon x*x

    • #131548
      Put the kettle on

      Hi eyes opening,
      I’ve been out a while and it’s very rare I can speak or write his name and it distresses me to hear his name.
      I often try to block out the memories but they come back unexpectedly and I cry, i relive the memory, i feel the shame all over again

      • #131550

        Hi Put the kettle on,
        I’m sorry your going through this, but it’s nice to know we are not alone in this xx

        I keep dreaming of him, I wake up after a dream of him, then in the morning I wake up thinking of him.
        They can be scary or uncomfortable…

        I have just been thinking, we consciously understand, that these men were abusive, that we should not feel any shame, guilt etc. That we are not responsible for them.
        But after years of brainwashing, its like we need to rewire our subconscious.
        I am starting to journal again, I kind of put it to one side as it was upsetting me, but I am going to write down every bit of advice that speaks to me, I am going to say these things to myself again and again.
        For example: ‘It is not my fault’
        ‘It was not my job or responsibly to fix him’
        ‘I am not responsible for him, he is a grown man responsible for himself’

        I have also found meditation and yoga absolutely essential for calming my body and mind.
        Ideally put aside 1 hr before bed, firstly work on complete relaxation and deep breathing, them I do some simple yoga poses and stretches. I am not sure how I could have coped without this.


    • #131562

      Eyesopening, I had ptsd when I didn’t even know it was that, like a lot of other people I thought it belonged solely to war veterans, but after I was not leaving my house for long periods of time, my dr sent me to a trauma therapy building the ladies there listened to what I was experiencing then they gave me a booklet about ptsd which matched my symptoms perfectly, it’s kind of like being in a waking dream where everything is still going on (but it isn’t) and you feel it could potentially happen again with anyone anywhere ( everything/everyone is scrutinise as being a threat or safety + it’s hard to tell who is who) your put into survival mode where life doesn’t feel like just life anymore + your more like a human gazelle on the look out for predators and feeling like you constantly have to keep on you toes, hide + run from potential people-lions + people-tigers, it’s an unfortunate side effect of the experiences we’ve gone through, my nightmares are fading + the incessant thinking about the people ( that you know deep down isn’t love just the ptsd/trauma) is fading too, it’s impossible to come of these things unscathed 🧡💛🧡

    • #131624

      Hi, I can relate to this too. I can’t bear hearing his name or hearing someone else with same name. I phoned a mortgage advisor and the guy had same name – I immediately burst out saying and couldn’t work with him. X

    • #131631

      I can imagine…
      Something new is i keep picturing him like being round the corner, like it was back how things where before. Is that a flashback, i thought flashbacks where bad experiences, but I didn’t have one bad experience, it was many small bad incidences..
      Or i wake up scared that I didn’t actually leave and it was a dream. Xx

      • #131657

        all Of it really does sound like ptsd, one big event, regular small ones it doesn’t matter you’ve been traumatised, maybe phoning ptsd uk ( they can tell you for sure, from your symptoms ) speaking to your dr a lady one may be more understanding, women’s aid or someone that can get you in into anxiety based therapy’s but either way you are exhibiting symptoms of ptsd which is a completely normal reaction from what we’ve all been through☀️🧚‍♀️🧡

      • #131667

        Thanks Auriel, it’s good to make sense of all this.
        Is PTSD after a breakup proof it was abusive?
        I feel like the breakup process was traumatic enough in itself. Let alone what happened in the relationship.

      • #131675

        It’s the fallout of the aftermath, becoming aware, trying to process and understand, it’s a serious emotional rollercoaster and a daily challenge, I hope you get all the support you need 💜💙💛

      • #131676

        Yes, it’s 100% proof 💜💗💜

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