How do you stay strong and calm?

[smallbutbrave]

So he has told me he is leaving on (detail removed by Moderator). I know this is for the best. I have spent the last (detail removed by Moderator) years being accused of all sorts, he has verbally, emotionally, and sometimes in the past been phycially abusing. I have decided I can not live like this anymore. He is nothing but a bully. When things are good between us they are good but when they are bad its awful. It is like he only wants me to feel how he wants.

I have to move on for my self and my son, he is seeing this behaviour from his dad and I am worried he will think it’s ok. My problem is our soon adores his dad so much and I am worried how to deal with a breakup. what do I tell him? how do i explain all this and make sure he is happy (he is (detail removed by Moderator)) This is really upset and unsettle him.

How do I remain strong. I am so scared and anxious right now. I can’t eat at all either. Just wants this to be over. I feel like I could throw up everytime he comes near me

[Anonymous]

smallbutbrave

You’ve taken the first steps by coming here and you can always call women’s aid if need to talk. During the lockdown, I even found myself having online chats with people at victim support at 1am in the morning because I just needed to talk. There’s so much help out there when we’re ready

You should try doing things that relax you. Try listening to music too, I’ve found this helps me and spending a lot of time in the garden.

Your son will adapt smallbutbrave, in the long run it’s going to be better than him growing up to be his dad and putting another woman through this. My abusers father is an alcoholic and his mum has a very controlling arrogant nature, no excuses for my abuser but he really didn’t stand a chance, then he’s gone on to relive his childhood in his own life. I’m lucky in the sense that my abuser isn’t really bothered about the girls, he refers to them as ‘my’ children rather than ours. He has no real attachment at all. But I’ve learn to see that he has no human feelings anyway, absolutely none.

Amazing how these men con us at the start, pretending to like all of the things we do and be these wonderful loving caring people when intact it was just an act.

In the meantime just try and stay as positive as you can. I have made a little list of all the reasons for staying with my abuser and all the reasons to leave. You should see my list!! There’s literally 2 reasons why you would stay but when they try to get you back on side again with the good times this has what’s sucked us back in.

[smallbutbrave]

Thank you for replying Turtledove.

I am trying my hardest to stay positive. It is really hard though, I also recieved a letter from the hospital this morning needing me in for further checks due to my latest cerival screening…Very annoying as I had to have treatment back in (detail removed by Moderator) and could really do without this!!

I know to start with all the change will be tough but in the longrun it is forbthe best and I can raise my son how I want to. He is a really good boy but he can be so influenced by his dad.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need all of this at the minute with what you have going on personally. This is just added stress that will burn you out eventually. The main thing is your son has you. Alot of children have 1 parent families these days and seem to turn out okay, and probably better than they would with having 1 abusive parent and 1 normal one. Xx

[Author]

Posts