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    • #114587
      Penny21
      Participant

      It’s took me (removed by moderator) days to pluck up the courage to ask my oh to hoover as I’m so fed up of doing everything. He’s been furloughed since March and still is and has spent a lot of it sat at home doing nothing including no housework, meanwhile I’ve worked full time throughout and done all the housework.

      His reaction to me asking him to hoover was to make snide comments and make excuses about how he’s got other things to do. This is why I don’t bother asking cos it’s just not worth it. I feel like a mug. Every time he does something like this he doesn’t see that he pushes me further away and I so want to leave.

      If it took that much just to ask a simple thing like that how can I ever tell him I’m leaving? I just don’t have the courage or strength as he scares me so much (verbally not physically). Is it cowardly to leave a note or Send a text?

      I know the time will come soon when I have to as I can’t take much more. How did you brave ladies go about it? Thank you for listening.

    • #114593
      KIP.
      Participant

      You don’t tell him you’re leaving. You do it all in secret. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman even if there has been no physical violence, this is the time when it’s likely he will become violent. Your gut is telling you it’s not safe. Trust your gut. You know if you tell him he will manipulate you into staying and if that doesn’t work he will hurt you. Talk to your local women’s aid about a safe exit plan. You deserve better. Abusers are liars and parasites. He’s not your responsibility and the very first time he abused you he gave you permission to leave x

    • #114603
      Imagesha
      Participant

      I second KIP. You don’t tell him.

    • #114636
      veryconfused
      Participant

      It’s a very hard conversation to have. I think Kip has given good advice. I am bit of a planner so what worked for me was to have a plan. I made note in my phone of everything I needed to pack( he didn’t have access to my phone). I did actually tell him face to face because I felt strong enough to do that but I know that for some people it wouldn’t be a safe option. There is no getting away from it, it’s an incredibly hard thing to do. It is also the first step on the road to a happier life.
      Would a video call after you have left work? Don’t reveal where you are but it would least be a bit more personal if you feel that you owe him that. He has been mistreating you so you don’t owe anything but probably still care and that makes leaving very hard. However you decide to tell him, you are not being cowardly, you are being really brave.xx

    • #114743
      Bettyboop
      Participant

      Don’t tell him, just leave. Go anywhere but go somewhere. I ran away with an (detail removed by Moderator) old baby. I later called to say I’d left and that if he came anywhere near me I would call the police. Keep it minimal and do not get into a conversation. Leave it there. Good luck.

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