- This topic has 11 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
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Do you remember those days where you would wake up and look forward to the day? I don’t.
How about when you had some support and kindness to rely on when you needed something? None of that here.
Did you ever have someone make you feel good about yourself? I haven’t.
Do you have someone to talk to if it all gets too much? Not me.
I’m alone and I don’t know how to make any of it stop. I’m screaming inside and nobody hears.
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I remember those days and it’s all because of the abuse. My life used to go from one bad experience to the next. That’s because of the frame of mind you are in. Everything changes when we are abuse free. Please speak to your GP, women’s aid, the Samaritans. You have choices, even though it may not seem like it just now x
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Why has having a job stopped you from accessing temporary accommodation , did they explain? Because that doesn’t sound reasonable. Losing your home through abuse is one thing but why are they setting off the domino effect re your job, so income and possibly your support network and sanity. The only reason I can see is that when you go, he could go to your place of work, and follow you from there but your work place being aware and supporting you could help there or your doctor should by signing you off work for a while to give you the breathing space you need to set up other safety measures.
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Because of my salary I don’t qualify for any of the accommodation avenues I’ve found. The fact that I literally have no money because of the lack of control I’ve had over anything doesn’t seem to count.
The council wouldn’t prioritise me until I was physically homeless and refuges won’t help me because I have an income and a job that pays well.
In terms of finding somewhere privately, I have zero money for a deposit. Without that I’m out of options. I don’t know how comfortable I would be sharing. I would do anything if it were possible though. I just want some calmness.
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it shouldn’t be such a battle, both the council and refuges should look at emergency housing by need not finances, to follow on from that you would be meanstested regarding paying your rent for the temporary accommodation (and they are usually high rents)but once away you could get your pay paid into an account in your name only and get back control but from a safe place for a time and then go on from there
Don’t give up
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Can you rent somewhere really cheap just to get away from him? Open a new bank account, arrange to have your wages paid into it, find a room to rent – try the spareroom website or gumtree – where there is a move in date of your pay day. If you can afford a high rent then you can probably pay the rent and deposit on a room in one go and still have enough to live on. You would only have to stay two or three months in order to save up for the deposit on a proper flat or house.
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Sugarskull what’s their criteria ? Here it was if you would not obtain a mortgage in your own right, ( so two different refusal letters) then you could be considered, seems to me they are very blinkered Tom escapees of financial abuse, amongst other abuses, so perhaps worth challenging( not that life should be such a fight at a time we are exhausted from fighting).
Alternatively, have you spoken to cab or similar re the financial commitments you have, and getting breaks in repayments or negotiating lesser repayments so you can channel your income on your now very important needs. We are often proud and feel ashamed of the situations we find we in. It’s unfounded, us and other to follow will find we have trusted ours kind ways to others who abuse that kindness and trust. Don’t be too proud to ask and keep asking for the statuary duty/ help you are entitled to,
There will be a way out, keep your chin up,
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Hi Sugarskull,
It’s so unfair isn’t it. The whole system is stacked against us when we’re involved with abusers. I’ve been trapped for decades because he controlled the financial side even though I used to earn a descent wage. He always told me he’d never agree to a divorce, so I thought I’d have to support myself and two sons alone for (detail removed by moderator). It seemed impossible without really making my sons suffer. I told myself I’d stay until they left home, but they’re still here. The system is helping them to keep us trapped and vulnerable to their abuse as we get weaker and weaker The more we try to be independent and responsible for ourselves the less help we get. I’m not saying that the women who have nothing or like me now on low wages shouldn’t have priority, of course they should. However just because you earn a good salary doesn’t mean you should be forced to endure his abuse.
I’m in a similar situation just because I received a ppi compensation at the beginning of last year. If I didn’t spend some of it before I go back to the solicitor I wouldn’t be eligible for legal aid and would’ve lost the lot and more in legal fees getting the divorce and my share of the house!
Anyway, if you contact women’s aid, they have drop in sessions for legal advice free. Also the firm I went to see have a free half hour consultation scheme which might be useful. As previously mentioned citizens advice bureau might be able to help. Good luck. Don’t give up like I did and waste decades of your life trapped. There will be a way.😊
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