How long does it take?

[PetitCornichon]

Over (detail removed by moderator) after I left the abuse I have started having recurring nightmares again. They happened after I left and then stopped. I struggle to talk about it because I was brought up to grin and bear things. I feel like I’m giving it all life again every time I have another nightmare. They are so real, so intense they knock me for six for days after. How long does it take to live a life without it hanging over you?!

[Whyohwhy]

That sounds awful. Do you think something could be triggering the nightmares? Are you having a difficult time about something unrelated? Did you ever have counseling? Maybe you have some unresolved issues you need to try and deal with. I have nightmares myself (not related to the abuse I received) but the kind of nightmares that shock people if I describe them. So I know how they can shake you. Maybe just talking them through with someone might help. Sorry I am not much help. Wishing you sweet dreams!

[iliketea]

Its really hard to say how long as it depends on some many things, if you are still in contact on any level that could be triggering you but also its really likely that it is actually because you feel safe now that your body is finally able to process what has happened instead of being in one of the 5 Responses to Trauma. It could be c-PTSD which can happen after domestic abuse, can you self refer to Talking Therapies for an assessment, or speak to your GP. And learning about what has happened to you, and to stop it from happening again can all help too. The Freedom Programme is good for identifying abusive traits in people, and learning how to manage them. Its really horrible, I suffer from nightmares too, have always done all my life, and especially now, I know what you mean. I had one last night about my ex and it was like I’d seen him in person, it was horrible, really truly horrible and Ive been a mess of nothingness today going round in circles. Its the body’s reaction to trauma. Sending you strength, it will pass, I think probably the more we do to learn and understand it the easier it gets to move beyond it, so instead of defining us it becomes something that happened to us, not because of us, and then its easier to move on, stamping it firmly in the past, learning exactly how we got there, and taking control of our lives again so we wont ever go back there, or have another relationship like it again. xx

[PetitCornichon]

Thanks for your message. For a long time I couldn’t admit that what I went through was abuse. I felt ashamed that I didn’t see what was happening. Usually I am doing well and I hardly think of it. This time of year is the hardest, my ex was especially cruel leading up to Christmas. I never understood why at the time but now I understand it was just a part of her systematic destruction of my happiness. The nightmares have evolved over time. Now, even when I’m screaming to get away, my mind knows that I have someone safe I need to get too. Before the nightmares were just me unable to get away, being trapped all over again. I just don’t know where to start to try and unravel it all to deal with it. I hope you can get some good nights sleep too without the nightmares xx

[Eyesopening]

Hey,
I posted this recently, I believe the mind and body are healing in the night time, your mind is processing what it needs to during sleep so you are not overcome in your waking hours. It will take time but I think knowing that this is normal after what you have been through, that your in the process of recovery, is reassuring. I had nightmares immediately after leaving or my ex, which months later are now just very vivid just dreams of my ex. They are not so upsetting and I am definitely feeling better. Did you ever speak with a counsellor? I think it’s essential for recovery, to process everything.

This is from Medical Medium:

‘When we’re awake, we’re not supposed to be breaking down the walls of our emotional hurt. When we are wounded, a physical component in the brain puts up a barrier to prevent us from constantly processing and reprocessing the pain, so that we can be productive and move forward during our waking hours. They’re not walls of denial; they’re walls of divine protection. While some conscious processing is healthy and necessary, it’s not meant to haunt us.

The time to process that pain is in our sleep. When we’re not conscious, the emotional walls come down so the soul can do its cleanup and repair work. This means that all sorts of difficult emotions get stirred up, and they work themselves out through our dreams. If this didn’t happen, frustration, anger, fear, betrayal, guilt, and humiliation would build up and up and up within us until they overpowered the strength of the walls holding them in place and took over our waking lives. Instead, our dreams release them. ‘

[PetitCornichon]

Thank you for posting that. My nightmares are evolving, I am able to gain more control in them now. I hope that is a positive sign.

[Eyesopening]

Definitely positive, as your mind starts processing things, they will get easier and fewer. I used to wake up so upset and my whole day was rubbish. But now I still have the dreams, but they are alot calmer and I do not have any reaction to them when I wake up. x*x

[Author]

Posts