The relationship were it when the abuse started? Mine were immediately which used to throw me of guard as I thought they all charm first. In week one I had a hole punched in my door because one of my boys had eaten his yoghurt. I shouldn’t of let it go on yrs I am crazy…X
What an interesting question, Better Days. And one that causes me a lot of self-criticism!
I didn’t even like my ex when I first met him. We were work colleagues. I thought him obnoxious and arrogant.
But he kept pressurising me to be with him. I went, even though he had already behaved unkindly to me.
The mistake I made was to feel sorry for him- he was apparently from a poor background, had never had much, a poor country, etc… He latched on to my mothering instinct.
I thought I could ‘love him better.’ I thought he was just a rough diamond. I thought my love could heal all his wounds, smooth his jagged edges.
He was like a little boy lost.
However, though he looks boyish even now, he certainly has the brain capacity of a dangerous psycho. He could wreck nations.
You can’t ‘love people better.’ They need to want to change, and to do it themselves.
Yours punched a hole in the door in week one over a yoghurt. Mine made fun of my body even before we were together. He organised for me to work for horrible people- delivering me to the wolves. Yet stupidly, I still married him.
He bought me a dead plant asa punishment for getting upset that he’d not bought me a 1st anniversary present, that he’d done nothing, though I had gone to town on celebrating it.
He was trying to put me in my ( imagined ) place. Yet I still had kids with him.
I could hate myself for it, yet I know my intentions were pure. My only fault was to think I could ‘love him better.’ Once rotten, always rotten.