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    • #19409
      kitty
      Participant

      I’m just wondering how long were people with the abusers before they turned abusive? I know they’re all nice at the start, but how soon did things start to change? For me it was a gradual shift.

    • #19415

      Hi
      I was with my ex for over a decade and I’ve often tried to think of when he started being abusive and manipulative, but I can’t seem to remember. A part of me thinks “Why did you stay with him after the first incident?”
      But I realise, he had already worked his magic by the time he had physically abused me and I was under the spell. I am many years older than my ex and to be honest, the age difference never seemed to be the problem at the time. But less than a yr after we married, he had his first affair. Or the first I knew of anyway. By this time I almost defended his need for an affair to family who thought he was a total sh*t for what he did.

      I think these type of men look for a woman who is insecure and use their charm to really get inside their souls. Slowly they push boundaries until they learn how far they can go. But its done so cleverly that we don’t see/hear it. We feel it, but we are never 100% sure if we should trust those feelings. Such is the magic of the clever manipulative abuser.

    • #19416
      kitty
      Participant

      I don’t know if my ex had an affair….but he did hide a spare phone at one point and used to go on webcams with women during the night. He is now a sex offender which is no surprise as he was always forceful with me…..he made my skin crawl!

    • #19458
      Ayanna
      Participant

      In my case there were signs after two months of meeting him and I had no idea. 🙁 Now I know.

    • #19472

      My ex changed after about 2 months, the love bombing eased off and I was left with a sort of nothingness. Then very subtly and gradually the lies started to creep in, after one year I had massive doubts and wanted to end it but couldn’t for reasons i’m not clear about, i think he has started to wear me down mentally. Gaslighting, cryptic messages, silent treatment continued and stepped up a gear to year two and cheating may have crept in then as well. All of the while he were telling me that I was his soul mate and love of his life.

    • #19473
      betterdays
      Participant

      Hi there in the first week sheer aggression. I had a hole punched in my kitchen door because my (detail removed by Moderator) year old twins at the time had eaten his lordships Muller rice yoghurt. Week 2 head smashed of the wall chain ripped of my neck. Bet yet I stuck it another (detail removed by Moderator) yrs…. that’s what I can’t get my head around x

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