Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #60290
      iwillbeok
      Participant

      Daughter (early teens) has been struggling more than usual the last few days – really down, tells me she hates her dad, doesn’t want to go round his, says he’s been texting and offering bribes (her word!). I’ve been supportive, listening and telling her she can do what she wants to do regards contact; stick to your boundaries, etc.

      Well. It turns out she had found out about the rape. She couldn’t hold it in any longer and tokd me she had read something personal of mine. Thankfully, there was no details. Now I’m hugely triggered, gutted that she’s found out and trying to support her at the same time. She’s in bits over it.

      This pain is never b****y ending. Is there ever an end to it?

      What a mess. An absolute b****y mess.

      Not sure how much more I can take…

      (Not so certain anymore)Iwillbeok x

    • #60292

      This is my response lovely.
      Please forgive me if I am saying or doing something out of order or something you don’t agree with.
      The most important thing is that you are ok, so if anything I say is completely rubbish, please disregard it.

      Your daughter found out about this.

      I think she loves you.

      This is really important and very good news.

      You suffered, terribly.

      She is I solidarity with yourself about having suffered.

      This is okay, as painful as it is.

      It is nothing to be ashamed of lovely.

      You apparently have a wonderful relationship with each other despite the terrible things that have happened.

      Try to cry together. if you can.

      that is just my initial response. feel free to tell me where to go it it is rubbish.

      this could have happened to any one of us and god forbid any one of our daughters at any time.

      we try to be compassionate with each other and don’t always get there because it is really hard.
      still we try. And carry on trying and that is the most brilliant thing on earth.
      all best
      ftc

      x

    • #60301
      iwillbeok
      Participant

      Thank you ftc
      Yes, my daughter loves me
      We have cried together before about the ugly mess he has made of our lives
      We are close and we have spoken about his treatment of us as women (son didn’t get treated as harshly)
      I would have liked to spare her this harsh truth at such a young age (if ever)
      Perhaps I am still naive and learning these truths, harsh as they are, will protect her in the opposite way to how my naivety fed me straight into the jaws of his manipulation and abuse
      I feel like I will be on eggshells again for a while – each time I’m upset now I won’t be able to hide behind “I’m feeling a bit down. I’ll be ok.” She will remember exactly why I’m upset and feel guilty all over again for reading something that wasn’t for her eyes and which she wishes she could unread…

      I guess, for all my therapy and the huge steps I made there’s still that little remnant of shame. And of course the bigger lump of regret, heartache, pain and anger that is always just below the surface.

      It’s like having the scales ripped from my eyes all over again and its still just as painful as the first time.

      I tell her over and over that we will be ok, and for the first time in a long time I’m not so sure about that.

      I. x

    • #60302

      You are being true. And realistic. And modelling what a grown up should be.
      No easy answers for a parent, even without the abuse.
      well done
      ftc
      x

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2025 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content