How to bring it up (with health professional)

[RedGiraffe]

Hi, me again!

So today I have managed to get an appointment with my nurse for something unrelated but my plan is to use the appointment to discuss and disclose abusive relationship and seek advice or help or I’m not really sure what to expect. I saw on here a few people said talking to a health care professional was a good idea so I’m going to make the leap.

However, how do I bring it up I’m thinking “I was wondering if there was anyone I could speak to about domestic abuse?”. Also I was wondering what would they actually do? Will they help me? Will they doubt me?

I feel so embarrassed so I’m hoping I find the courage to actually go through with it.

[KIP.]

Try writing it down and giving it to her. I had to do that with a police officer and go into another room. But at least I did it. Then you know what you want to say and disclose and if you’re fine in the appointment you don’t need to hand it to her but use it as a guide. When we relive abuse or even talk about it, sometimes the trauma shuts our brain down so we have real trouble getting things out. Well done. Abuse thrives on silence. Women’s aid are a great help. If you can find your local one too x

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, I have previously sent an email to woman’s aid who confirmed I wasn’t crazy and it was emotional and psychological abuse so I could always show the email I sent to my nurse – as I think I’ll be unable to get time in private today to write anything down beforehand (currently having a ‘shower’).

[iliketea]

Could you say something like “I’m worried about some things that are going on at home with my partner/husband?” they are trained to pick up on what you’re talking about. Once you start talking it will probably all come flooding out. Somehow it has a way of working like that when someone is properly listening to you, and looking you in the eye. Or say you would like a referral to a domestic abuse service, they will then ask you questions? My GP picked it up from me saying I was tired, low, unhappy…She asked a couple of questions and said I think you’re being emotionally abused by your partner. Do you think he loves you? Do you know what emotional abuse is? I didn’t.
Good luck. x*x

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, I’m sure it will all come flooding out – if I can make the words come out to start with. I guess I just want someone physical to know.

[KIP.]

You could say you’ve been in touch with women’s aid and they’ve told you that you’re in an abusive relationship. Can she help?

[RedGiraffe]

I think this is the way I’m going to do it, thank you xx

[Eggshells]

Hi RedGiraffe, well done for doing this. Saying it out loud can be difficult so try having a sentence prepared and make sure you know what you want from this.

I have changed GP recently and both surgeries acted differently. The first GP risk assessed me (incorrectly as I am still being abused by him even though I have left) the other GP just logged it. If you are asking for help then you may need to ask explicitly “Please help me”. If you just want it logged then be clear about that too. If th GP risk assesses you, be clear about any fears you have about that process (e.g. Him finding out etc).

In my experience, once you’ve said that first sentence to the nurse, it’ll be easier to expand, even if it doesn’t come flooding out. I hope it goes well. xx

[iliketea]

Good points @eggshells I was rushing. Definitely be clear about what you would like from them. A referral to a DA service? A counsellor to talk to? They’ll know what they can do to help. Well done. This is a great first step. Also ask them to make sure it’s confidential on your notes. I had an awkward moment when a locum printed out my child’s notes and we were listed as an “at risk” family – which was only for their notes but would have been difficult if he had seen. Xx

[Soulsearcher18]

Great posts on here of how to do it. I hope you manage to and all the best with it. Hope you can let us know how you get on. Soulsearcher

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you everyone… I’ve just got back and I made myself tell. It was my nurse so she’s logged it and is reaching out to my gp and we will go from there… she looked for different services I could reach out too (but I knew most of them I just wanted a physical person to know.

Thank you everyone for all the lovely advice!

[Eggshells]

Well done you amazing lady. How do you feel now?

[RedGiraffe]

I feel good thank you, it’s a weight off of my shoulders now that someone knows, they did recommend me opening up to family but not sure I’m ready for that yet xx

[KIP.]

💕

[Soulsearcher18]

Well Done, I am so pleased to hear this. This is really good progress, a big step you’ve just taken. You are on your way now. Keep sharing, let us know how it goes.

Soulsearcher

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, I’m sure I will have lots more posts to come during this journey xx

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