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Hello to anyone reading this and thank you for taking the time. I’ve been divorced for a number of years and the situation of games, toxicity and manipulation continues from my ex and his now wife. I’ve had therapy and starting freedom programme this week but the whole thing leaves me drained and with little energy. I feel like I’m having a reasonable reaction to the amount of stress I’m under but evenings in particular are so rubbish. I don’t have the strength or energy to do anything apart from sit in my depression basically. It’s not like reading a book or watching more tv helps because I am bored out of my brain also. My son is happy in his room doing his thing so he tying him out the house is impossible. Obviously money is tight so I can’t go out that much plus I’m knackered. I have no friends or energy to make friends, I don’t know what changes I could reasonably make to sooth and ease the situation. I guess if I had some support, solidarity or words of encouragement that might give me a boost. Anyway that’s what I have to say. Love and good wishes xx
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Hi Saturn Changing,
I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I can relate totally. I’ve been in that place where you feel so low that it seems impossible to do what you need to do to lift yourself out of it.
Would you consider a visit to your GP? If you’re already on ADs it may be possible to increase the dose. This can sometimes lift you just enough to give you the impetus to start to help yourself.
You should have some local networking sites such as “Nextdoor” or “Meet up”.(If that gets edited out please pm me). You can ask/research if there are any local groups that you can join. It will probably seem like a monumental and daunting task to haul yourself along to a group but if you find a group of like minded people, it could do you the world of good.
If you like walkin then research shows that 20 minutes a day walking, in natural surroundings, has the same affect as ADs. If you don’t like walking alone ask your son to go with you. If he says no, see if you can borrow a neighbours dog for half an hour.
For your ex, no contact is the best way forward. Is your son old enough to make his own contact arrangements (within your agreement)? You need to cut your ex out of your life. As long as he has any access to you, he will continue to abuse you. Block him from everything and arrange for your son to meet him away from your home.
It might be very difficult for you to see it now but things will get better. If you can find a way just to give you that initial boost that you need to start on the road to recovery, the road ahead will become clearer.
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Hi Saturnchanging, how are you today? When i separated i went on the Freedom Programme and I found it helped my confidence plus I started to speak with other women there who had shared similar experiences… it took me 3 weeks to really start to get into the course and then I found it very helpful.
Also, have you thought about joining MeetUp in your local area? I have joined and am meeting up within the next few weeks, I explained that I am nervous about meeting up with new people and the woman running it was understanding (I wondered at the time if other DA survivors had contacted her as she seemed to understand…
❤️
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Thank you very much for such long and detailed, kind replies. I will look into meet-ups locally, something low key and yeah speak to the organisers. That’s a good tip, thank you.
I do manage most days to go for a walk, which does help…
My boy is old enough to be short distances from home to meet his father, it’s just knowing what to say to him as regards why.
Thank you for the messages of support, reaching out has helped me this morning and hearing back is lovely.
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