How to cope with my own anger

[Mime]

Sometimes I feel so angry I have flashes in my head of doing something terrible, (detail removed by Moderator) I never would. But the images flash across my mind – they come from out of nowhere.

I’m not an angry person – as hard as that may be to believe after what I’ve just admitted. I’m described by people who know me as kind, happy and calm. But I’m putting on a brave face all the time.

I’m so silenced by him, I have to stuff down my feelings so much I could scream – he gets angry if I say anything about anything at all – sometimes even so much as commenting on a TV programme irks him and he visibly bristles.

I’m not able to mention anything remotely controversial, like his lies, or his lying in bed for hours on his phone, or his looking at porn, or his shouting at me, and calling me crazy and nasty and wierd, or his disappearing off whenever he feels like it and refusing to tell me where he’s been.

I can’t say anything at all about my life, if I do he picks up his phone and starts texting people, or turns up the TV, or laughs at me and tells me I talk too much.

Now he tells me that when he hears me eating it fills him with rage and disgust, so I can’t even eat in front of him anymore.

He wants sex when he wants it, and although he tells me he would never force me, if I don’t respond in the way he wants he gets angry and sulks for days. So I do what he wants, when he wants.

I’m so defeated by him everyday, but I also have moments of searing rage. Everyday is a battle to manage my emotions, I have to stuff them down further and further, because his tolerance for me is less and less, so even the ordinary things, like bringing him a cup of coffee in the morning, makes him annoyed – I’m losing myself further and further down this black hole, and I can’t see a way out.

[Helpmeimfedup]

Sounds very familiar to me. I’m sorry I may not have the best advice I’m new on here but felt I needed to respond as I see similarities in our situations, just try to stay calm with him as you don’t want a reaction. You so sound much better than him though it’s not nice to be treated the way you are and you deserve to be treated with respect. Hope you are ok xx

[nbumblebee]

Your post broke my heart.
I could feel your sorrow and pain i wanted to reach out and support you but dont know how then i thought about it and realised that I couldve written your post too.
Mine is just the same sex is a huge issue in our house and the thing he gets nasty about the most makes for a very unhappy life doesnt it.
The only advise i can give is to tell you how i cope day to day.
I get up as we all do wondering what mood he is in often he wants sex i say no he gets in a grump or hes still nasty from the night before.
Things are good when he goes to work but i still have that horrible feeling in my stomach all day long. I dont let him in well i try not to if he starts i wont bite i dont agree or answer back if he accuses me of having an affair i say im not but you believe what you like would you like a cuppa if he calls me names i say ok thank you im going for a bath. I never bite he never sees me upset me and the bathroom floor are best mates its where i let it out never in front of him.
I am learning to not believe what he says to open my eyes and know its him not me to know the cycle and whats coming next so i can arm myself against him it isnt easy at all it can be miserable and lonley at times but its the only way i can cope.
Make a plan in your head of if you could how you would leave keep that in your head that image it will help you when he is nasty.
Reach out so you are not alone talk to womand aid or a friend you trust there are people out there who can and will help you.
The anger i totally get I self harm as i get so angry its a dangerous slope you need to maybe get some counselling with that use meditation it really does help i calm myself down by counting 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 etc upto 100 it takes concentration to do that and helps try it.
Stya safe sweetie xx

[Kitkat44]

Hello @mime
Oh my love I’ve felt this too, and it is exhausting and terrifying to feel such rage. And reading what you’ve been through it’s totally understandable that you feel this way.

I used to go to the bathroom and silent scream whilst running water or in the shower. It eats you up and I think @nbumblee is right, finding somewhere to voice your struggles and use your knowledge of what’s being done to you to release some of those feelings.

Breathing is so good, I also practice grounding myself, the more you do it the easier it becomes, it’s hard to remember when fuelled with emotion Oo and that’s something else I’ve learnt that emotions are energy in motion and I’ve been able to keep in mind -on repeat- this too shall pass – and it does.

Mine goes into hurt and victim mode if I’m too quiet and shut down, I feel I have to get the balance right, polite and seeming ok, eurgh it’s awful.

Bit of rambling reply, keep posting here to let out those thoughts or keep notes on your phone.

Sending love xx

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