How to cope

[Muna]

I don’t get anytime to think clearly or express my emotions in a safe and healthy way. They keep building up and thoughts of self harming are becoming more and more frequent and more real. My feelings build up and today my husband caught me crying. I’m so tired of this. I told him it is because of him. I reminded him of the last conversation we had just had to use as an example so I could tell him how it makes me feel…. I didn’t even get through one sentence and he told me that I was wrong and he never said anything like that…. My counsellor told me when they can’t let you finish a sentence before interrupting you it’s because they don’t care; your views are invalid to them. How can he not see what he is doing to me! I feel like I’m going crazy coz I don’t know how to cope anymore

[Muna]

I can’t believe how genuinely worried snd concerned for my mental health he looked when he denied that the conversation had taken place. No one would ever believe me over him. I hardly believe myself anymore

[Ayanna]

Hun, please go into a refuge.
He is not worth the trouble.
I know what you are going through.
The only way to stop this is to get out and block him forever.
He will never understand. He will never accept his role in this. He is an abuser. Abusers never change. x*x

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Muna, I have always kept a journal during s**tty relationships, I write everything down, it really seems to help. Also you might find it helpful to read 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships, its free to read on Amazon X*X

[Falling Skys]

Hi and hugs

I use to think that everything I said or did would be twisted and used against me.

Logging down what happens and said is a great help because you doubt yourself in the end.

I wished he would see what he was doing to me and change. But I know now he knew what he was doing and enjoying the misery he was putting me through.

You are worth so much more.

FS xx

[Lisa]

Hi Muna,

You are explaining emotional abuse and control, and the confusion and exhaustion that it causes is part of the abuse. Your feelings are completely understandable in your situation and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

It is natural that you have tried to to talk to your husband about his behaviour and in a healthy relationship talking things through can work, but in a relationship when one person is abusive it sadly does not. It can also lead to an escalation of the abuse, because when abusers realise they are losing control they try to keep it by increasing the abuse. Unfortunately he is in control of his actions and he is using them to have power and control over you. I know that the process of recognising this is extremely painful, so you need good support around you.

I think it would be really helpful for you to call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk to a female support worker in confidence. They will believe you, they can provide listening support which may help you to work through all your thoughts, and they can discuss your options with you.

We are here for you,

Lisa

[Muna]

Thanks Lisa I’ll give them a ring. It’s so hard learning about abuse, recognising abuse and trying to deal with these feelings when I’m still living in it

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Muna, try to watch the film Gaslight, you can buy it very cheaply on Amazon. This explains this DELIBERATE AND CALCULATED installation of confusion into you by your partner. Also, have a look at 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships, all books by HG Tudor, you may find The Devils Toolkit good right now, plus Covert Emotional Manipulation Exposed, all of these are available to read free on Amazon. There are words that are used such as Intermittent Reinforcement, Gaslighting, Negative Reinforcement and Plausible Deniability. All of these are tactics of emotional abuse. There is another book that I like called Invisible Chains. I thought that I was losing my mind when I was with my ex. I’m a independent, free thinking rational person. During the time that I was with him I was almost sectioned for mental health problems. We split and now i’m calmer, free thinking & feel happy. He was big into blaming, covert manipulation, gaslighting, silent treatment & withholding information. Not once did he accept any responsibility, apologize for anything, talk to me openly or honestly or be straight with me. Mind games galore.

X*X

[Author]

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