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It has been (detail removed by moderator) since I posted my first post. Unfortunately, after that post I did take my partner back. But I can now say that it has been nearly (detail removed by moderator) since we split for good and I am taking each day as it comes.
He is a very manipulate and n**********c man and I am still trying to remind myself that I can be free from him. We have children together and I have always said I would never stop him from seeing them as often as he wanted or they wanted. Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean that I don’t want them to have a relationship with them. But honestly he tries to make my life soo hard.
He is now saying that he is going to take me for 50/50 custody, and I just don’t have it in me mentally or financially to fight back, but I know the children are better off having a more stable routine with them seeing him at the weekends, as this was our agreement. Now because at the minute and the whole covid-19 stuff he was staying but that hasn’t worked out so he has gone back home but cannot see the kids there due to living with someone who is shielding. I have told him that I don’t want him to contact me unless it is to do with the kids, however even when he has text about the kids he likes to throw in there that i am heartless and that people think i am spiteful and using the kids as a weapon, all because I took them to play in my grandparents garden for a few hours after not seeing them for months and because my family do not like them he wouldn’t come so apparently this makes me horrible because I did it on purpose (due to lockdown he had been temp staying here) and he couldn’t come. I feel like no matter what I do is wrong, I have spent every day for the last (detail removed by moderator) with him, and he went out the other day without the kids, yet when i take them with me I’m the one in the wrong.
Not really sure what to get from this I just needed to vent, because I know I haven’t done anything wrong but he makes me feel crazy.
Feeling very drained.
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You’re not dealing with an ex you’re dealing with a nasty highly manipulative n**********c abuser ex and you just can’t do that. You need to use a third party for contact regarding the children and have zero direct contact with him, get an access agreement through the solicitor and court or he has the same rights you do to walk away with the kids and not return them. Dealing with an abusers is absolutely draining and I’d be very careful about exposing my children to such dysfunctional abusive behaviour. It’s clear he’s using the children as a way to further his abuse and control over you. Even if he is their father. Abusers are liars. Do not believe a word he says and get support from women’s aid.
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I have the same problem. I also don’t know what to do and feel frightened that if we went to a mediator, he would be able to manipulate things and twist it round so he looks like the innocent victim and that I’m the unkind, unreliable, unreasonable one. It’s so horrible and hard. I never thought he would’ve demanded 50/50 because when we were together the ratio was more like 15/85! He hardly ever chose to spend any of his free time with the children and preferred to follow his own pursuits and hobbies instead. It makes me so upset and small. I’m sorry I don’t have any answers. Just wanted to share because it made me feel less alone in this When I read that you were going through a similar thing. Much love xx
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Hi Pinkflower and Flowersinthetrees, just another voice here to say I’m also going through exactly the same! When he was here he did next to nothing, and now he’s gone he’s demanding 50-50 and telling me how I’ve ruined the childrens lives. I’ve also been really scared about his ability to win people over and play the victim, but I take solace in the fact that it seems to be the same tactic all these men are using, so mediators and courts etc must be really familiar with this pattern. It is really scary though because it can feel like his word against mine. Anyway, just wanted to add another voice to say that you’re definitely not alone xx
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Hi all, I am new here and reading these posts it is exactly what I am going through at the moment. My ex was arrested from our home and I now have a non molestation order against him. He is running around telling anyone that will listen that I am a liar and keeping him from seeing his kids. He was constantly ringing and video calling the children but I know it was simply so I would feel intimidated. They have both now blocked him on all devices. He even told our daughter he was going to get the police to question her, this would not be a good move for him but he’s trying to frighten us any way he can. It seems these men are masters of their craft and don’t care who gets hurt in the process. Stay strong.
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Hi everyone, sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I appreciate each and everyone’s reply. As bad as it sounds its nice to know im not alone. When we were together I did pretty much everything. He says and does everything to make me feel bad for breaking our family up when I don’t feel bad. I feel proud for saving myself from his emotional and psychological abuse any longer!
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