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    • #14827
      Courage
      Participant

      So I managed to get an ex-parte non-molestation order (emergency injunction). This was done with no legal advice and my statement really wasn’t up to scratch. He responded and is contesting it but it’s thankfully still in place. I now have (detail removed by moderator) to respond again and write a further statement. I’m really struggling though as the majority of the abuse is so subtle I could barely give you an example. And what I do think has happened he tells me it hasn’t so I don’t know any more.

      Anyone successfully written a similar statement?

      Have contacted my local DV team about meeting a IDVA who I think would be helpful but they are notorious for taking ages to get back to messages and I’m under time pressure!

    • #14837
      Confused123
      Participant

      hi

      could a solicitor guide u how to write statement

    • #14846
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi,

      I wrote a statement.

      I think what they are looking for us to briefly go through each point of his contesting statement, and respond with how it disturbs your emotional/ mental/ physical well-being an affects your life adversely.

      My ex wrote a ridiculous contesting statement, which wasn’t even about himself and why he wasn’t a risk to me- he was just complaining about how he hadn’t had enough attention in the marriage! The judge told him his response wasn’t relevant to the issue at hand. Therefore,make sure your response is relevant just to the continuing injunction, don’t digress into other areas.

      Bullet points might help, and the judge might find it easier in the eye to read than huge paragraphs. Just make each bullet point about one adore t of his response, or one aspect of something you wish to say. Keep it short and succinct.

      If you have children,may how it affects their well-being to have contact.

      My basic plea was that I couldn’t trust him to behave, as he enjoyed mentally and emotionally abusing me send would continue to do so. I said I had a right to be free from my bully. I stood my ground- repeated that I deserved to be free from my perpetrator. If you have health problems, you could cite how contact with him affects you adversely.

    • #14849
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Courage,

      Well done on taking such huge steps forward and welcome to the forum. It is great that you have got in touch with your local Women’s Aid group. Please also know that you can phone the helpline any time you want some support and advice. The National Centre for Domestic Violence might also be able to help guide you – http://www.ncdv.org.uk has plenty of information and contact details.

      Keep posting, we are all here for you.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #14861
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Having just been through this I agree with serenity. I found great difficulty explaining how my ex managed to make me feel the way I did. He didn’t beat me, if he had it’s easier. He did almost all of it in private so it comes down to you be clear and concise. Get a solicitor who specialises in this….can’t stress this enough. I wrote a huge, (detail removed by Moderator) page statement if everything that I’d experienced…quite cathartic. Relate each of these to dates wherever possible. I found going through my phone text messages and emails prompted me to remember when specific things happened. The solicitor then condensed it to (detail removed by Moderator) pages…it was this though that made the difference, the ckarity if this statement. Also anyone else who was close to you who did not necessarily witness specifics but saw an overall decline in you as a person….again get checked with solicitor. U can get legal aid….I didn’t qualify but was actually awarded costs as the case was apparently so obvious. These affidavits are vitally important. Ask WA for solicitors they recommend. Mine was fantastic after I had one that wasted time with letters back and forth trying to placate him to deal with things easily. My WA recommended solicitor cut through all the rubbish, (detail removed by Moderator). Don’t waste time with letters back and forth, they just use it as urs has to manipulate. All they can see is how this effects them and how it’s ur fault. Write facts. If he walked in rooms quietly and shouted to give u a fright write it. If he invaded your personal space write it. If he made fun of you write it…write it all, only fact, and the effect each of these actions had on you. Mine showed a clear picture of seemingly minor events which mounted up to sustained psychological and emotional abuse. Good luck. Get a solicitor! X*x

    • #14928
      Courage
      Participant

      Thanks all.

      I’m not entitled to legal aid so am self funding which limits me and I used a (detail removed by Moderator) last time who is kindly going to look over my statement for me.

      I’ve so far got my call log from WA, a letter from my dr (detail removed by Moderator) and my therapist (detail removed by Moderator) is writing one and I’m trying to get notes from when I was in refuge because of his behaviour. Also spoke to WA and victim support yesterday and mentioned a time when I called 999, the police took no further action but both people I spoke to were shocked by this. So I spoke to 101 today who were also shocked so the investigating officer is calling me later. (detail removed by Moderator) Can anyone think of any other supporting evidence?

      I’m really determined to keep the (detail removed by Moderator) in place but I really want to protect my kids too. I do not want him having unsupervised access. He does not provide a safe, loving and respectful environment for them.

      I feel like I am on a mission though. This is my chance.

    • #14951
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      I had the same experience of the police. They hid behind “civil matter” apparently nearly running someone off the road is a civil matter…put in a complaint, get the name of their sergeant. Speak to them. Record it all, dates and times. I didn’t qualify for legal aid either but sherif ended up fining him my costs. It’s a hell of a risk though…those costs were in excess of 5k. Are there any example formats of affidavits online? I don’t know…but have u tried googling it? I think I’d probably be breaking some rule if I private messaged mine as an example. Just keep recording it all. Go through everything chronologically. Events on their own seem minor but a series of events displays a pattern of behaviour. I feel for you, I really do. I understand what’s at stake. X*x

    • #15402
      Courage
      Participant

      Argh at the last court appearance I used a (detail removed by Moderator) who was beneficial and the cheaper option. However I don’t think he appreciates the seriousness of my case. (Been deemed high risk) I wrote a long statement which probably was a bit waffly and could be condensed. But he responded and said I didn’t need to detail every time he had shouted at me (I had far from done that, it would be 1000 pages long in that case….) but said I should just put ‘he would regularly shout at me’. But I just don’t feel that carries the same weight as when it’s put in to context. Some of them are just awful days and really show how willing he is to hurt me. I’m seriously pushed for time though. Stress stress stress

      • #15575
        Escaped not free
        Participant

        How are you doing? How did you get on with your statement?

    • #15812
      Courage
      Participant

      Yeah am ok. Edited it down a bit but kept the bulk of it in. Spoke informally to a solicitor who said if my points were relevant then it was ok.

      I worked so hard on it and had only a short time to do it though that I didn’t process any emotions that went with it and feel like I’m feeling a bit now. Have had to stop myself from reading it over and over.

      Now the anxious wait begins to see what he files in return :-/

    • #15813
      Courage
      Participant

      *reeling not feeling

    • #20931
      Doobi
      Participant

      In this chain the moderator has moved details in two places where the person had said who helped them – instead of a lawyer. I thought that would have been important piece of information.

    • #21020
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Please still contact the NCDV. The help for the statement is free. Let them know what happened so far. They will advise you further.
      Also ring Rights of Women for more advice. x*x

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