How to get a flat while living together

[Fay of the North]

My gut is really urging me to leave dispite it’s been calm now. However I was suggested by someone to make a safety plan for it. Maybe not without reason because things have gotten a lil physical before even if I wasn’t hurt. Some part of me doesn’t believe he would do that if I was leaving but his behaviour has been unpredictable and controlling.

The thing is how do I look for flats/go for flat viewings while I work full time and he works part time? I don’t have much time without him.

Also last time I tried to leave he refused to take my name of the leese contract. Which ended up putting me in finincial difficulty. I was confused, alone and he was promising to change so I went back. I feel a bit stupid about it now but I didn’t know what to do at the time. I don’t know what to do about it this time round. Also I can’t just stop my direct debit as I have a guarantor and it would put that financial strain on her.

I would give him notice so we can prapare and arrange to end the tenancy agreement, this should in theory have also give me the space and time to look for a flat and maybe flatmate. But im not leaving a healthy situation and I don’t know how he will take it and it will be very stressful in best case anyway.

Any advice or experience is welcome.

[Bananaboat]

Does your employer have a domestic abuse policy and would that allow you time to attend viewings maybe? Alternatively do you have a supportive manager who would help, or could you use lunch breaks? A lot of companies do online viewings now. As you are leaving due to abuse your local council should be able to offer support, I was categorised as homeless despite living in a jointly rented home due to abuse. You’d need to go through the homeless application process and bid for properties so it takes time but I didn’t tell my ex I was leaving the joint home until my new place was sorted. That voice saying it’s impossible and you have no choice but to stay is his voice, keep going xx

[Fay of the North]

Maybe? It’s a large company so maybe they do. I didn’t consider online viewings so that could be an option.

I just don’t know how I feel sharing this at work. I basically haven’t told anyone in general and I haven’t been working there that long so I don’t know the people that well. In my head it kind of feels like it’s not really an acceptable problem you talk about at work and get help/support for not like sickness or bereavement.

[Strongenough]

I was in the same predicament as you. I told my boss what was happening and they let me have time off during the day to attend house viewings. It wasnt a lot, i onIy viewed a 3 or 4 before i got one. I went in to work early and stayed behind late to search for accommodation and make all the related calls and emails. It was the only way I could do it as my ex monitored everything.

If your not in touch with your local women’s aid then I would strongly advise this too. I did talk through refuge options with mine but for a number of reasons this wasn’t an option for me at that time. It might be for you though?

I like you, had a strong gut feeling that I had to go. I set myself a date I wanted to be gone by and made a secret list that I kept at work of all the steps I had to take to make that happen. Seeing my list get smaller and that making me nearer leaving kept me going in days where I really struggled.

I know it feels impossible to you right now but you really can do it.

Take Care x

[Fay of the North]

That’s really brave of you, idk if I could share it at work but I have been thinking about it.

I will need some logistics help though as previously when I tried to leave he wouldn’t take my name off the lease and agency couldn’t help unless we came to an agreement, not sure they could do anything. Tbf I didn’t give him any notice so at that time I ended up paying 3x rent in new place and rent in old place and I was left without money at all and no job, no support and him promising to change. 🤦‍♀️😞
I want to be better prepared this time.

[Camel]

The tenancy agreement is a contract between you and the landlord. Only the landlord can agree (or not) to release you from the contract (lease.) Everything depends on how long you’ve got left on the lease. You’ll have signed for an agreed number of months, so see how long you’ve got left and plan from there. You could break the lease early but this might be expensive. Citizens Advice are good for this kind of thing.

[Eggshells]

There’s usually a minimum occupancy period, then you can give notice.

I would definitely contact Citizens Advice. You’ll probably need to move out either to a refuge or to family/friends before you give notice. Then you can start took for your own place.

[Author]

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