13th October 2021 at 4:22 pm #132479Bluebird3Participant
After what was a physically and mentally abusive marriage I unfortunately fell into a relationship with a n********t.
It ended (detail removed by moderator) ago but was very traumatic, I realised he had a fetish in (detail removed by moderator) that he had cheated on me (detail removed by moderator) (which I found out about) and most likely through the relationship. He had stayed in my house with my children and kept covertly criticising me throughout. Eventually he became so distant that when I was going through things he wasn’t even supportive.
After the breakup he wanted stone cold silence however I found out I was pregnant and had to go through a termination, which he was there for but had met another woman, was texting women (detail removed by moderator). No empathy compassion sorry nothing.
Unfortunately I also work with him and in my understanding of all that he’s put me through, mentally breaking me, crushing my confidence and then the over the top behaviour, moments of anger at me I’m finding it so difficult to come to terms with what is now a lie of a relationship and a shell of me
Has anyone else dealt with narcissistic abuse and found a way to heal through it?
I am currently going through therapy on boundary setting and working on my vulnerabilities that attract these kind of men as well as counselling for the termination.
13th October 2021 at 6:57 pm #132481DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful angel… Bluebird3,
Well done for being so brave and posting your story… what a terrible time you have had
The abuse alone is bad enough but as well to be dealing with a termination, you have a lot to process
Please please please be kind and gentle to yourself like how you would treat your best friend or an injured animal… you need care love and attention and I am sending it to you
It is great that you are getting therapy, it is early days and it will take time. So take small steps, don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to heal everything at once
Focus on things that are manageable, eating right, having a bedtime routine, getting out for a nice walk … it all sounds simple but these things in time will heal you
I always recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life… however let this come to you when you are ready
Sometimes we are so desperate to heal and understandably so, that we bypass our feelings and we do need to feel to heal
Go easy on yourself my darling
Sending you continued love and support
13th October 2021 at 10:05 pm #132489EggshellsParticipant
Yes, you can get past this.
I speak as someone who has had a very similar experience, including abortion, in my case it was forced on me, just like the sex was.
It takes time to heal, I’m beginning to suspect it’s a lifelong process. It takes lots of counselling too.
Take it one day at a time and you will start to feel yourself returning.
When I first left I seemed to be surrounded by narcs. Gradually I ditched them and I found that the more aware I was of narc behaviour, the more resistant and repelled I was. That meant that I didn’t respond to them how they wanted me to respond and, hey presto, they found me as unattractive as I found them.
This can be quite costly. My line of work is notorious for attracting narcs and abusers and my rapid and natural repultion to narcs has made it difficult for me to settle in a job.
Honestly though, I might be poverty stricken because I can’t work with narcs but my life is so much richer now.
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