How to leave?

[MamaBear]

I just dont know where to begin or how to leave but know we have to.

The last time he physically lashed out was (detail removed by moderator) but the mental/emotional abuse has continued. I have (detail removed by moderator) children, one is his and he is now emotionally bullying my (detail removed by moderator). I step in and say somthing I know will annoy him so he will re direct his efforts back to me. But the truth is I cant take any more. He openly tells the two (detail removed by moderator) children I’m fat, disgusting, lazy, a s**g. (Detail removed by moderator) he told my son to ask me why I’m such a s**g and why him and his sister do not have the same dad. Lockdown has made things worse as he is now working from home. He has set up work in the (detail removed by moderator) and we are not aloud in. We have a baby, he said he will take her and I will never see her again. He has said he will kick me and my older two out but I will not be aloud to take the baby. I am mentally preparing to leave I just dont know how it will happen. He said he plans to torment me sso much that I take the older two and leave or kill myself where do I begin? (Detail removed by moderator) he wouldn’t let me use the phone charger, and I’m unable to call anyone….he is literally right here all day…every day

1- we rent and have a joint tennancy what will happen to this If we leave
2- can I take the baby? Can he legally stop me?
3- where would we go? How do I get the ball rolling. My (detail removed by moderator) has speacil needs so I need a smooth transition ideally
4- we have a joint bank acount – he has already spent all the money
5- every single thing in the house is mine, literally every bit of furniture..so do i just leave it behind and start again? I know he will damage what I leave behind.

I’m just lost. All I know is I can not take anymore and the thought of spending another day here..

 

 

[KIP.]

Get support from women’s aid? You can email them. Yes you can definitely take the baby. I’d try to get him removed using an occupation order. Are your older children prepared to give a statement about his abuse. The housing have a duty to regime victims of domestic abuse or remove the perpetrator. Keep all the evidence you can. Can you move to a refuge for a while? Have you spoke to the landlord about having him removed?

[KIP.]

Abusing you in front of children is child abuse. You can also email the police for help. And to report the abuse. Can you email friends or family to help?

[MamaBear]

This house is private rented and I wasnt aware I would enquire about him being removed as he is on the tennancy. My friend and my mum know about the current situation and are actively trying to help I can not go to either of theirs as they are the first places he tries. One of the children has severe autism so would not be able to give a statment (some of it is aimed at her as well) the child might but I’m not sure he fully understands as it’s just the “norm” now. What ever happens I do not believe he would go willingly, both times I have left he has gone to my mums and friends and then caused damage to household belongings. How would I get an occupation order? I will try to contact womens aid via email. I am just worried a out going to the police, would I be believed? It’s mainly done in person so I have no evidence as such, I only have photos of my face from the last time he hit me but I dont suppose that is concrete enough. I have said before if he carrys on I’ll have no choice but to call them but he said they cannot remove him as it’s his house. He has said he will go before but he will take the baby. He doesnt think he does anything wrong and it’s always turned back on me

[KIP.]

Threatening to take the baby is illegal. It’s abuse and probably criminal. It’s all about coercive control. Women’s aid will know the best next steps for you but meantime confide in your GP. That’s good evidence. Start building a pile of evidence against him. Yes the photo is great to show a pattern of behaviour. You need to build a support team around you. Can you try to get some free legal advice or speak to the domestic abuse unit of the police. What about your midwife. They’re supposed to be trained to spot signs of domestic abuse which will very often escalate after childbirth when we are even more vulnerable. Not one person I spoke to didn’t believe me but like you I was terrified I wouldn’t be believed. That was his voice in my head. Maybe the police or women’s aid could talk to your landlord on your behalf with a view to having him removed from the tenency agreement.

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