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My partner has said if I don’t ‘perform’ and give him the maxium effort then he will (detail removed by Moderator).
What should I do? I can’t communicate with him out of fear of his anger.
Will I ever be able to make him see his behaviour is wrong?? He said he doesn’t even care if I tell people (detail removed by Moderator).
He wants things from me that I find ao hard to give him, I hate even being in the same room as him let alone have sex with him and trying to enjoy it. I hate sex because of him. However if he doesn’t get wants he wants my life is hell.
I just want to run away with my son and never speak to him again
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Hey lovely – I don’t think you will ever get him to see the behavioir is wrong. They simply do not see it as wrong or, even worse, they know it’s wrong and they don’t care.
You are best out of it, take your son and go. It may take a while before you are ready to do that. Bit eventually you will be ready and you will have had enough. The fact you are here suggests you already know that.
For me, I k ow what I’ve got to do too. It’s taken me a couple of years to get to this point. Please don’t waste any more of your love or your time on this xx.
Keep sharing- lots of ladies are here for you. -
A second note – having recently had a police interaction on my own matter, the fact that he threatens you with holding you back from loved ones and that you are frightened of his anger they would take that seriously. I didn’t know anything about Clare’s Law. Might be worth filing a request to see if there is history there.
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He already knows what he’s doing is wrong, you don’t need to convince him to see it – he knows and he likes the power it gives him over you. It makes you do things you don’t want to do!
He says he doesn’t care if you tell others but he does – these people hate the thought of others seeing them negatively and if people see through their facade, watch him turn against them and say your friend is crazy or you should stop seeing them. He’s most likely double bluffing and saying ‘tell them then’ because he knows you probably won’t.
Focus on getting out and a new life with your son instead of changing your partner x
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Thank you all formyoir replies, (detail removed by Moderator) I have thought about it but don’t know where to start.
The problem is he blames me for all his anger against me, if i didn’t do x y and x or made those bad choices right in the early days of meeting he wouldn’t be like this so it is all my fault. He says I continue to disrespect him now and it makes him angry. He says he has put up with so much I should be worshipping the ground he walks on. If he thinks I have rolled my eyes at him (which i don’t because I know how mad it makes him) he goes mental tonthe point of laying his hands on me
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My partner also says the reason he treats me a certain way is because of mistakes I’ve made in the past. For years I believed this and believed it was all my fault, but after speaking now with multiple people about the ‘mistakes’ I made, they aren’t even really mistakes. And it gives him no right to treat me the way he has. In a normal relationship, they wouldn’t use something against you for so long, and it should never ever give anyone the right to lay their hands on you (or abuse you in any other sense).
Take care x*x -
Hi smallbutbrave
The trick is to stop believing them. You believing him when he says it’s all your fault, it’s always your fault, and so on, just isn’t true. In a normal world this kind of blaming doesn’t happen, but it has become, over time, your normal, and that means it’s kind of set itself up inside you as your own belief to a greater or lesser degree. It’s this that you will have to be strong in fighting against. Just becuase he says something is your fault, you now know that it’s unlikely to be,especially when you can’t see how and his accusations don’t make any sense.
The awful behaviour he knows is wrong and it’s designed to intimidate you into doing what he wants.
I remember finding it incredibly hard to believe that he would deliberately doing stuff just to frighten me, but when I looked closer I realised he did know, some of his words made sense, because he knew. He knew what he was doing all along, and that made a lot of his behaviour make sense. The manufactured anger.
Believe in yourself and trust your gut when it tells you something’s not right, and that you are scared, they are warning signs.
warmest wishes
ts
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Yup I get this 100% the pressure to perform sexually makes me feel sick. Mine even tries to get me drunk so I am (detail removed by Moderator) in his words.
They wont see it as wrong. To them you owe them. You are his and belong to him. What you need to do is say no and mean it. Its taken me decades and i still back down at times but only you can save yourself sadly so you must say no.
Mine is so nasty evil nasty when the word no comes but i do it anyway for me. At the moment I choose to stay in my marriage so i need to work out a way to live a life. By saying no i am re gaining a very tiny bit of me back.But always always always make sure you are safe that is the main thing. Do what you have to do to stay safe until you find the courage to leave i guess.
It isnt easy at all i dont do it all the time it takes times and hard work but its all you have unless you leave. Sorry to be blunt but thats how it is sweetie. Only you can save you xxxxx -
I tried to tell him how I felt last night and stood by the bedroom door becasue I could feel his anger growing and I thought if I am near the door at least I can make a run for it and call the police ( i had my phone in hand) but somehow I managed to leave the room safely without him losing it. Even still I couldn’t tell him as my fear of him is so extreme. He also said if friends and family knew what he has has to put up with all these years they would all understand why he is the way he is?!?!
He wanted me to perform (detail removed by Moderator) and after he still hit me round the head because he didn’t like something I said.
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This makes me so sad for you, I understand the pressure to have sex as well, I managed to put a lot of boundaries in place over the years but he still tests them occasionally or just completely ignores them. It’s usually annoyance of having to wait that gets to him the most, wants it more frequently than I do (which is never because he’s such a man child) but he hasn’t struck me in retaliation, I don’t know what it would take for him to go that far, he likes pressure and sulking tactics.
(detail removed by Moderator) call the police without telling him if he hits you, I know that’s much easier said than done but that’s the only way I think you will get him away from you. He will never see what he’s doing as wrong, just threatening to call the police will likely result in him trying to make you feel like they won’t believe you or make him very angry.
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