How to move on

[sunshineLollypops]

So I’m nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years out and feel so much better in myself – however I just can’t meet anyone new !
I tried meeting with someone and being intimate with the them but I just zone out. I find it very hard to be present despite wanting to be intimate. I end up just going through with it but I just block it all.
Do you tell your new person about the last relationship being toxic?
Do you tell them that for the last few years they only intimacy I had was forced – I don’t want to put them off me !
I was also chatting to my boss recently and they know my whole situation, and they was saying physical abuse is worse than mental abuse but its not. It just got me thinking that if it was physical alone then I’d maybe understand their viewpoint but it’s never physical alone it’s always paired with mental and psychological.
Just having a bad day today – not the worse (no bad day can ever be as bad at what he put me through, considerably better now I’m not with him anymore).

[Lisa]

Hi sunshineLollypops,

Thank you for your post. I hope you’re doing ok after having a bad day. As you can probably imagine there is no definitive answer to your questions. But the general advice is to take your time if you can. It’s great that you’re feeling better within yourself but that doesn’t necessarily equate to feeling ready for an intimate relationship. If you start trying and you reach difficulties, things not feeling right, then that might be your instinct protecting yourself and saying you’re not quite there yet. It’s normal and advisable to have stronger boundaries after experiencing abuse.

If you haven’t yet done so I would really suggest seeking out some trauma-informed therapy, to help you work through your experiences before you start a new relationship. You could speak to your local domestic abuse service to access this, or your GP, or your local Rape Crisis centre to access counselling post sexual abuse.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Author]

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