How to say no

[Mellow]

I’ve been on the forum a few week since I realised my partner is a n********t and it all came clear I’ve been used from day one from the beginning he would ask for expensive gifts too much for a stranger.then it developed and I seemed to be paying for a lot I let it go because I worked and he cared.anyway that’s not the topic here I’ve met someone new I’m not planning to jump into anything but at the same time my ex is asking for sex when I say no he starts getting what feels like him getting angry in the end I go to him but he’s showing he owns me by branding me I’m trying to talk so I don’t get recognised it’s nothing painful it’s (detail removed by moderator).I know why he’s doing this so it looks like I’m the bad one.and to control because I said I will move on the relationship has ended.I’m finding the sex confusing as I feel like I also need physical contact so he proceed to say I’m using him aswell .I guess I can’t explain it the thing I don’t like is I will jeopardise what I have with this very nice man I’ve met who’s respectful and honest if I sees these things he’s doing on my body.I don’t want to risk my identity that’s why I can’t say cause it’s too specific a scenario .how do I say no

[Lisa]

Hi Mellow,

I’m really sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like your partner/ex partner is incredibly sexually abusive and manipulative and I can hear how confused and trapped you are feeling.

You’ve asked in your post how you can say no, but what I am reading in your post is that you did say no, clearly, and were made to feel that ‘no’ wasn’t an option. This does not make what happened consensual, it is sexual coercion.

I’m wondering if it might be helpful to speak to the Rape Crisis helpline about what you’re going through to begin to gain some clarity around this and get support: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Mellow]

What I usually do is ignore him to indicate I mean no I can’t remember if I said those words I think occasionally I stick my finger up at him to say no with my head under the covers we sleep separate then I can feel the anger then he will say fine but in a sulky way which leads me to then go so I don’t think I can say it’s forced because I don’t like the whole anger thing so I go.he will continually ask me to c**e till I do .

[Author]

Posts