How to stop obsessing?!

[Feelinglikeafool]

I know it was toxic, miserable and horrendous most of the time, but why am I desperate for him to call? I hate that I’m feeling like this. Think it’s because it’s nearly the weekend and I’ll be on my own. Help!

[KIP.]

Abusers make our whole world about them, they take up so much headspace so they leave this gaping hole and it feels empty. We also crave what is normal to us even if that normal is abuse. Could it be the relationship and having someone there that you miss and not actually the person who abuses you. Have you read about a trauma bond?

[Lisa]

Hi Feelinglikeafool,

As KIP has explained; how your feeling is understandable, so try not to be hard on yourself for feeling this way.
It may be useful for you to speak to Supportline, who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.
Your local domestic abuse service may run support groups that you can engage with, so you are able to address these feelings and process them. Being able to talk about what you struggle with on a day to day basis can hopefully start to alleviate moments of anxiety and self-doubt.
I hope this helps. Do keep posting here to let us know how you are.
All the best,

Lisa

[Feelinglikeafool]

Thanks for your help. I buckled; I’ve sent him (detail removed by Moderator) messages, can see he’s read them all but he’s not responding. He’s online on WhatsApp now but it must be to someone else. I feel like I’m going crazy. I know it’s a trauma bond and I know I will be ok eventually, just hard to believe it right now. Thanks for those contact details, will definitely be in touch with them tomorrow!

[Workingonit]

I still crave his approval. I hate him yet if I think hrs tired or upset or there’s something wrong I’m obsessed with checking in and making sure he’s OK. They build this in us. The reliance and dependence and eggshells. It doesn’t just go away. Be strong. Stay distant. Take time.

[Feelinglikeafool]

Thanks everyone. I’ve spent what feels like most of my life lately worrying about him, when he clearly doesn’t care about my feelings. Woke up this morning having a panic attack!

Have blocked his number now. (Wrote all this on another thread, only just seen your replies!)

[Author]

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