How to talk to authorities

[Chocolatebunnie]

I has what I think is social services cal yesterday but they aren’t called this it was something else

My husband was here I couldn’t speak they’re calling again today regards drug use/growing weed/emotional abuse

Now I don’t know what to say or do I’m frightened for myself and my kids and the aftermath from this.

I am not like him and don’t want his live style, I can’t lie for him, even if I wanted to too many professional people are aware of what he’s like it would backfire anyway so I have to deal with this and I was hoping it would happen like a get out of jail card I guess?

I’m just frightened by authorities in case they judge me too, I’ve never done anything wrong in my life only to choose a partner who is should we say complicated?

He’s being very nice atm I guess due to knowing the referral to police etc was coming but it’s making it harder, he’s saying all the right things making me feel responsible guilty and regretful that this is happening but amongst these feelings I guess he would do wouldn’t he he’s everything to loose right now.

[Chocolatebunnie]

I just wish my WA support worker had got back to me I’ve only been able to text her I can call her today but was hoping she’d be in touch by now it’s been a week

[KIP.]

I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. It must be dreadfully worrying. I think you should lean on your women’s aid worker for advice. It would be good if she could attend any meeting you have with the professionals. You could ring the helpline for advice in the meantime. I’d say to be honest and ensure anything you tell them is confidential and you’re concerned for your safety. You have no idea what he is saying about you. Whether he’s blaming you for anything illegal so tread very carefully. Be seen to be foremost concerned for the welfare of your children and open to any help they can offer you. None of this is your fault but it may be the wake up call to get out of the relationship x

[Lisa]

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

I can understand why this is worrying you and you are concerned about the consequences. It is scary opening up to authorities as it can feel like a lack of control. My advice is to be as honest as possible. If you feel you can, explain about the domestic abuse you have experienced; say that you are speaking to a Women’s Aid support worker and ask if they are able to liaise with her. Explain to them that you are concerned about your safety and the repercussions of your discussion; ask if you could please be kept informed of anything that is going to happen. Remember that they are there to help you and your children. What they will want to see from you is awareness of the problem and a willingness to accept help and protect your children. They are more likely to be concerned if they think you are minimising the risk to you or your children.

I do hope you manage to speak to your support worker as soon as possible. In the meantime you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk this through. If you can’t get through leave a voicemail and they will call you back.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[maddog]

When you speak to SS or anyone else, please make sure you have a witness. I have experienced meetings with some of these people who will just write what they like in their reports ignoring what you say about your experience.

[fizzylem]

Yes I was just going to add this, get a copy of the minutes / report / or record it or take someone with you to be a witness is probably best in this situation. I would ask for only face to face or email – providing this is safe – no over the phone calls unless it is recorded. Get it all documented so you can refer back to anything said at a later time – operating like this also keeps them on their toes, makes them really think about what they are doing x

[Author]

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