How to tell the children?

[RedGiraffe]

I really feel like I should be open and honest now with my little one that we’ve split and what that’s going to mean going forward for us… but I don’t know how to do it! I’m so scared! I feel like this is going to be the hardest conversation yet and I’ve already had the break up conversation, a sort of convo with family, doctors, support workers etc. But it’s telling the most important person that’s worrying me! What if they hate me! What if they blame me! (I’m probably overthinking this)

Also I’m thinking if I tell them now instead of when he actually moves out it will give more time to prepare and support their emotional needs and give time to come to terms with what’s happening and also hopefully help him make that final push out the door (not holding my breath tho)

Any help from anyone whose had to have that conversation with little ones would be greatly appreciated!

[iliketea]

You know what, I think you’ll be surprised. I can still remember when I was sat down for “the talk” I can still remember the relief too, and I was young! Children pick up on a lot without letting on that they do. They will probably know already.

Could you try keeping it neutral? “Daddy doesn’t love mummy anymore and mummy doesn’t love daddy, so we’re going to live in different houses/flats from now on? But we both love you”. “Things will be a bit different but everyone will be much happier”. Then maybe sell the two lots of toys, two lots of birthday, Christmas, Easter….?

There’s plenty of time in the future for the truth to be told when they’re old enough to process the information. It has to be age appropriate. There are some resources on the NSPCC website, I’ll just check the others I was signposted to as well.
xx

[RedGiraffe]

That’s exactly the conversation I’ve been having with them in my head! Thank you, at least I know I’m on the right track… I wasn’t going to go into all the gory details (not like they haven’t been around and witnessed more than I would like). I hope it goes well – I’m a worrier… little ones become clingy to dad too in last few weeks (never was before) so I believe they know already!
I have another meeting with my support worker coming up soon and I think we are discussing children next time so I may wait just a little bit longer until I’ve discussed ways forward!

Thank you xx

[Soulsearcher18]

Hi RedGiraffe
Good advice from Iliketea there, I’ve put a link to NSPCC website below. If you stick to this then at least if it gets official at any point, you have crossed T’s and dotted I’s with your approach and can say you’ve followed this guidance.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

Never going to be an easy one but mother knows best is a phrase that popped into my head earlier.

Take care

Soulsearcher

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you very much!x

[iliketea]

Thanks for posting the link @soulsearcher18 really helped me to reread it. Xx

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