How to tell the children

[abcxyz]

So the whole “sit down and tell them together” thing is not going to apply, so I need to think how to tell them in the most sensitive / not trying to turn yout against anyone way possible. I know they will be upset … They are (age removed by moderator) …. I was thinking of just saying that we will be staying somewhere else for a week or so (thats the plan) as I cae for daddy but that he upset me a lot with his shouting and that I don’t want that anymore. Anyone else had anything similar? Sorry for all the questions. … seems so unreal and I have so many mixed emotions. .deep down knowing that this is the only way to move forward …

Thx x*x

[abcxyz]

Apologies for typos …. on phone and can’t see whole screen!

[Tuppance]

Hi ABC – Thankyou for posting this as this is the constant conversation going on in my head. It could be / should be a sensible and caring conversation, putting the kids emotions and feelings first but my husband, like yours, will not be able to do that. He has already shown his colours so I am preparing for him to play the victim and gain their sympathies. I was going to lead with the fact that we both love them very much but that we are going to live in separate houses for a while whilst I get better. That they can spend whatever time they want with each of us – there is no blame or worry about competition beteeen us. That neither of us will feel bad whatever they choose. That we will sort out each week when they will spend time with each of us. I want to tell them that we care very much for each other but we need to sort things out. It’s hard because I want to do it gently but I don’t want to give them false hope but perhaps that would be kinder in the immediate and then, as the dust settles and we fall into a routine, they will come to accept two homes?? Let’s see what other advice we get xx

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

If you have a place to go to , i would go there with the kids then explain it to the kids that this is why mummy had to do this , even though mummy and daddy both love u, we cant live together no more. Explain to them that this for the best and that they can still see both parents if that is the scenario. If u explain it to them b4 u leave they may end up slipping somethign out by accident and felt pulled between both of u. Im not sure how old your kids are but with me i had teens, they could see how bad it was, thinking bk, i got a place, told kids after , moved my kids stuff accross secreetly , that was when i had to tell my kids that i am trying to sort things out ambicablee with your dad, but if a scenario occurs and he throws us out of the house or puts us at risk we have a safe palce to go to. By chance the weekend my kids decided they had enough of tension in house they decided to have a sleepover at a cousin house , was the weekend my ex choose to trautmise me with trying to crash the car while i was driving , threw keys in field of nets and made me look for them, by time i did get home he decided he would beat me up, that was when i just ran for it, got my kids to stay at their cousin forr two days , moved all our stuff over then collectede them and sat down and explained this is our new house now. Somy adivce is pre plan ahead as u never know how they will react

[abcxyz]

Thank you all … yes planning ahead and just hoping I don’t forget anything vital. Think I know what I want to say and have place lined up while he (hopefully) moves out on receipt of solicitor’s letter / divorce papers. Know what I need to do … just scared of it all bit excited too about a future without fear all round x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Please please call Women’s Aid and they can help you create an exit strategy. Remember at all times you are dealing with an abuser, not a regular, straight thinking man you can have a grown up conversation with.

When I called the National Domestic Abuse Helpline the fabulous lady I spoke to said it’s like dealing with a toddler in a grown up’s body and she was so right! Would you try and negotiate or reason with a 2 year old??

They are also at their most dangerous when they are losing their grip on control so please be careful. I’d say get the kids out safely and explain to them what’s happened. You don’t owe this man an explanation but if you choose to give one make sure it’s not face to face!

Good luck xx

[abcxyz]

Thank you. ….yes you are right and that is a great description. .. spot on! I have spoken to WA a couple of times and it has really helped. I just feel so mean as he’s having an awful few months but need to get over the fact that I can’t carry that when I’m accused and blamed and threatened on a regular basis. Just need to be the cold heartless b**ch he accuses me of being!!!! X*x

[Author]

Posts