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I just wanted to get your take on a situation. Please keep me true as with many years of manipulation, I’m unsure if I’m being over the top or should be concerned.
We met a short while ago and have only seen each other once. All other occasions where we’ve tried to meet up the has been some kind of issue stopping us (on both parties).
Anyway we were recently meant to meet up and he phoned me drunk on that evening. I found this odd, but funny but suggested we try got another time.
While on the phone, I made a statement about him being skinny (to which he said he didnt like) and then proceeded to call me fat (which I didn’t line either and I’ve told him before I’ve got a thing with my body image)
When I mentioned that I was heartbroken by him calling me fat he got really upset and said that I’d switched the whole situation on to me because I’d told him he was skinny first and that her didnt like it. Her said that being called skinny or fat is equally offensive and so he was just as upset as me. We ended the conversation there.
1. I don’t like the fact that I’ve now been left here thinking that I’m fat and that I’m being manipulative like my ex by switching a situation on to me (he doesn’t know about my past)
2. Have I really discounted his feelings in this? In my opinion, I’d rather be called skinny than fat but that’s my preference, so are his feelings valid too??FYI – I’m chubby but not overweight.
Help!
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Sounds like he’s retaliated by calling you fat after you said he was skinny. Being skinny is fir some, esp men, a bone of contention. I bet if you’d called him slim he wouldn’t have taken it so badly. As to his being drunk when you were supposed to have met up, not a huge red flag ,but, he could’ve been out with mates and had one too many fir Dutch courage, or decided you weren’t important enough not to continue drinking with his mates or being skinny he can’t really hold his drink. I’m not sure how long you’ve been away from your previous partner but WA do recommend at least two years, in which to build your confidence. What does your gut instinct say about this person. If anything about him worries you in any way, don’t go there.
Ps there’s nothing wrong with being overweight, chubby, fat, skinny or too thin. Whatever your happy with that is your prerogative. I’m a size 12/14,not overweight, but too heavy for MY liking. I feel so much better as a 10, but being with my oh and now knowing what he is, I’m finding it difficult to get back there.
So the grown-up thing to do here is apologise, you called him skinny, which upset him, he called you fat, which upset you. IF he does apologise but tries to say anything other than I’m sorry, you know where you stand. My oh never apologises for anything he says about me, yet I used to apologise all the time, even fir things I’d never said or done.
Good luck
IWMB 💕💕 -
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So, instead of saying sorry, I was upset and lashed out calling you a name too, he tried to make the whole thing your fault? I can sort of understand that someone might be upset by being called skinny, especially a man, who may have been bullied in the past because of being small. However, to turn around and mirror that back, then accuse you of making it all about you when you became upset, is another thing.
Also, you had arranged to meet up, having both had to cancel lots of times already, and he didn’t think that meeting was important enough to stay sober for?
This doesn’t sound, to me, like the beginnings of a safe, warm and loving relationship. If you don’t cut off contact be wary, be careful.
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