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Clearing out the garage today of the house we shared for over a decade, there were lots of reminders of him. It’s a few years since he left so this is not a problem for me, but it’s not what I would have chosen to do with my Saturday, especially as I’ve been very down at moments recently, and still don’t feel that physically well. What I found though were some bank statements from many years ago, reconciled by him. There was a line next to a small amount spent in a shop which would obviously have been spent by me, and next to a small amount taken out of an atm, also probably me. This brought back to me what it was like, having to hand over receipts for every single little thing I spent. And the haranguing I would get if I didn’t. If I had committed the sin of having a cup of tea out somewhere, I had to listen to a lecture about how we needed to ‘screw down’unnecessary spending. Later, as I’d cleared out more stuff, I stood in a large empty space with my cup of tea and felt hugely happy at how I’ve freed myself, and as much as possible my children from him. Life was bleak, I was trapped, with him. I stood and smiled for minutes. Great feeling.
Eve
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