Husband acting innocent but angling for maximum financial gain in divorce- help!

[Lilycat]

Hi Ladies,

My husband is driving me mad and is unbelievably manipulative but plays innocent.

At (detail removed by Moderator) last year I suggested to my husband that we divorce, after (detail removed by Moderator) years of separation. (I waited for so long because he would have become very nasty if I had issued on grounds of ‘unreasonable behaviour’.) For months he played the ‘your still my wife, so I have the right to know everything about where you are and and what you’re doing’ card and he only stopped being like this this (detail removed by Moderator) . In recent weeks he has changed his hijacking tack. I told him that I was going overseas, back home to my family for a while, so he pulled a fast one, went to see a solicitor and asked them to start divorce proceedings, texting me on my first day back home to tell me this. Holiday ruined.

He has always said that he does not want my money or my possessions, (detail removed by Moderator) . I phoned him up, but he said that he was not aware that this had happened. I asked him whether he had read the draft and he changed tack and said that he did not understand most of the legal language and that it was up to *my* solicitor to respond. He added that he would offer me a goodwill gesture of paying me £(detail removed by Moderator) for everything that I left in his home and this was the only financial specification he conveyed to his solicitor. This is a sick joke, as I invested lots in furniture, white goods and furnishings, all much in excess of this amount. Furthermore, a (detail removed by Moderator) figure sum of wedding money (all from my family) went missing from our house and when I asked for it he implied that I had taken the inventory with the amounts and was trying to confuse matters (i.e. I had probably nicked it myself and was covering my tracks).

I haven’t got a dickie bird as to what he is playing at. He is a graduate of one of the (detail removed by Moderator) universities and his job requires him to (detail removed by Moderator) every day, so to say he doesn’t understand a simple legal petition is a nonsense. He also acts like he is very poor and always short of money, e.g. he regularly complains about a lack of money, has holes in his shoes and work shirts, and records receipts for individual candy bars and short-hop bus fares in his accounts book. He also acts like he is innocent and clueless, and loves to help people out in public and give big donations to charity. He is Mr Nice.

I am so frightened that his pitiable act will have the court find in his favour, and I’ll be cleaned out financially with no money for a mortgage or savings.

I quit the marital home and was homeless for months, but have got myself together and have a good job and have started again, renting a small flat and hoping to settle down, start anew and buy a place of my own. But this guy acts like he’s the ex-homeless one.

How can my solicitor and I work together to convince the court that this man is an exploitative trickster and should be treated exactly for who he is?

[KIP.]

Sounds familiar to me. Firstly, make sure you have a good solicitor who understands domestic abuse and how these abusers work. Secondly, gather as much physical evidence. Receipts, his bank statements, wage slips etc. I’m in a very similar position. My ex stole (detail removed by Moderator) of pounds from the joint account and just says he gave me half! Total lies. Be prepared for pathalogical lying. They can’t help themselves and contradict in letters etc.
It’s going to have to go to court and you are going to have to fight hard or he will rob you of everything you’re entitled to. Read about dealing with abusers in court. Stop contacting him and let your solicitor deal with him. It might be costly short term but you have no choice x

[Lilycat]

Thanks for the advice and support, KIP. I am kind of prepared for the pathological lying. He is so convincing and I think that he even believes himself!

My parents, soon after we were married were very convinced that he married me for financial gain. He was take, take, take with them, and tried to persuade them to pay for a holiday for him half way around the world’. He arrived poorly shod at their house and said no word of thanks when my father gave him his own newly bought coat and my mother bought him woollen jumper. He would even invite us all to restaurants and then he would pay for himself and not them!

Good luck with your situation. I hope that we both come out of this sane and healthy, and financially safe and sound.

Strength and eventual happiness to you

Lilycat x

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