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My husband has sent letters to members of my family stating his side of the story. My dad is very vulnerable and upset by this letter. I have told him not to respond, and to give it to a friend of his. Said friend has blipped it to me, and I have read it.
I have spoken to the PC involved in my case and he advised that my dad hand it to the police if he has any worries at all.
Dad’s friend said it looks lucid and makes sense. However, what my husband writes is completely false. He has his own family to write to so why he thinks it is a good idea to vent to mine baffles me. His own children are pretty much no contact. Finally I understand why -
He is trying to recruit your family to his side as he is engaged in some sort of battle. The best thing to do, as you have said, is for your Dad to ignore them and either destroy them unopened or send them to his friend to dispose of. Its also a good idea to keep the people involved in your case informed as it also shows escalation on his part. It shows that you are frustrating him and he wants to show control – so you are doing something right!
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Hurtful lies. Trying to isolate you from support. My ex lied to everyone he could. My son and step daughter fell for his lies but my own family saw right through him. This is only going to get worse and people generally can’t understand why if he’s so dangerous and manipulative that you are living under the same roof as him. It taints their perception of the events. I know how hard it is for you to leave but that should be your top priority because this is going to be a long hard battle and while you’re exposed to him and his behaviour it’s going to drain and possibly destroy you.
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I’ve told my dad to hand the letter over to the police and absolutely not to respond. My husband also wrote that he’s sent the letter to another relation. I have warned her. She knows well my husband’s filthy temper. It’s none of my business what my dad will do with this letter. Nothing can be done my end as the letters are not directed at me.
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I really don’t know quite what my husband thinks he’s going to achieve. He is a known liar. He’s been given an undertaking not to go into a certain building and not to go near a certain person. I have been told that other people have complained to the police about his behaviour. I have no idea who they are or what they complained about.The plot and my husband have long departed.
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If you want your problems to go nuclear, you tell my father, especially if you are a close family member! He tells my father that I admitted the assault (punching him). I was told to say I did it by the duty solicitor although I said it’s not what happened. They said it was the quickest and easiest way for me to get out. Quickest and easiest for them perhaps. My husband then warns my father that should I attempt to assault anyone again I would be arrested and end up in court. Since I have never assaulted anyone, I cannot do what I have not done again. (detail removed by Moderator)
He tells my father that I have attacked him verbally throughout our relationship. I have never called him names, or diminished him. He has always held a firm belief that I should accept criticism, for things like not buying bogroll or not replacing a dirty towel. He maintains a right to defend himself against perceived criticisms which has caused endless problems. He has stonewalled me to the end of the earth. Then of course the sex. Ughhh.
I have now been referred to an ISVA and Rape Crisis counselling. I told the PC about the recurrent nightmares and the incident with the dog stretching her foot into my crotch. He asked if I had under-reported what was going on. I said yes, I think I have.
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Because the letter is not directed at me, it is not for me to inform the police. It may compromise whatever investigation they are making my end if I pass the letter over to them. I cannot control my dad’s behaviour and it is up to him to pass it over or not. At the moment I have far more important things to think about. My mother died and her funeral is coming up. I have been unable to tell the children because I don’t want them to have to keep secrets from their dad. I would like to make a complaint to the police for their handling of my caution. I have looked and looked to try to understand how to throw a punch without leaving a mark or any injury.
I will pass the letter to my solicitor. I’m seeing her soon with my outreach worker. What a victory for WA!
Dad’s friend suggests that reading between the lines, my husband is trying to turn my family against me. In this respect he has failed, and really succeeds only coming across as a vitriolic (detail removed by Moderator).
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My ex didn’t write to his own family but told the a lot of lies to them. Then He told other lies that contradicted the first lot of lies. They are so determined to crush us that they lose a sense of reality. More so than before. It’s like they don’t ever consider they will be held accountable. Looking back my ex lied so much even to his solicitor it cost him a criminal conviction. The sensible thing to do would be to keep quiet. But they just can’t help themselves. Meantime keep all the evidence you can securely. Even if it seems insignificant just now. Court depends on proof. So note the conversations you have with other victims. Dates and times etc. Don’t delete texts or relevan emails etc. Even if you feel you want to. These really helped me later on.
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They will try anything.
After my ex had made dreadful threats towards me, he sent my dad a birthday card. Like nothing had happened.
I think he was trying to ‘get a man on side’ to join forces against myself and my family ( we are top-heavy with women in my family).
It’s so, so hard not to get upset, but please don’t let him weaken you or derail you from where you want to get. Stay strong and sit back and let him show everyone who he is. The truth will out in the end. X
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A relation has responded to me as though she believes his plausable lies. I will write back stating that my concerns are with the authorities and that until I am safe I am not at liberty to discuss them. Last year my husband threatened my family. I really don’t think she understood the gravity of the situation. I had to make sure they didn’t come to my home. Feel awful today. Just shaking. Don’t want to use valium.
Last year I reported an historic rape. It is a massive relief to have an ISVA now and Rape Crisis counselling can’t start soon enough.
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