I actually feel so

[betterdays]

Ill thinking and knowing what he’s done and knowing it’s all been calculated God it’s dreadful x

[SilkyHalide]

I hear you Betterdays. I put similar post last week.
It’s like a complete stranger to you all of a sudden. Unbelievable.

[Escaped not free]

I too feel like I have no idea who this man was. I’ve been reading over old text messages, so many normal day to day stuff then just a load of rubbish all displaying a very definite cycle. It’s like I was with two different people. Totally different. It’s very confusing to get your head around and at the moment I can’t. I’m fighting a monster hell bent on destruction and at the same time desperately wanting and needing my love back. Mindmelt x*x

[missiepie]

When its not your nature to hate and want to destory others it is very hard to get your head around the actions of those that do.

I wake up every morning recalling things my ex did to me and how I let it happen.

One thing I struggled with the most was how he acted when he was violent. Many woman will say how their ex’s apologized. Promising they would never do it again. Mine was much more calculated and heartless.

My ex grew a habit of trying to suffocate me if I ever disagreed with him. One time he straddled me on our bed, clamping his hands over my mouth and nose. He pressed down so hard that he actually split my lip with the pressure. I scrambled and wriggled desperately to try and get him off me. When he let go I ran out the house, got in my car and just drove. I was in shock over what had happened…I had no idea what to do. The next thing he sent me a picture of his chest. It was covered in scratches which I had apparently caused him. Under the picture he wrote something along the lines of “look at how violent you are, look at the scratches and scars I have suffered by your hands, you need help”. I read the message and just cried….he was making out that I was the violent one in the relationship. It made me doubt anyone would believe me if I told them what he had done. Another time when he attacked me, while defending myself, I caught his nose and caused the tiniest of scratches. This time he created a video of his face while talking about how he had suffered more violence at my hands. He told me he would show everyone what I was like. I felt sick to my stomach, and even more scared of people thinking I would ever be capable of attacking anyone. It psychologically effected me to the point that when he attacked me I was too scared to defend myself. I would just lie there and take it, to scared to touch him in anyway in case he made more allegations.

He never apologized. Which actually I think is worse, because it made me feel worthless and actually mental.

[Serenity]

Yes, it’s painful.

Missy pie: I hear you. Mine was twisted, yet tried to make out I was the one with the problem.

[Ayanna]

The ex abuser only apologized after the first attack. After that he said that I had brought this onto myself and he made me feel guilty that he beat me. He told the neighborhood that I had mental problems and he diagnosed me with paranoia.
When we sat in the court hearings everyone could see that he was a twisted sick ba….. He revealed himself.

[Author]

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