i am abused buy my alcoholic partner

[Anonymous]

hi ladies. i thought I was the only one who was going through this hell. how wrong am i? have we all been in a relationship with the same man?. what have we done to deserve this cruelty? i have finally made the break.but now in debt management for the (detail removed by moderator) i will be 89 when i have paid his debts off. the torture will always continue.

[fizzylem]

Hi DDD, can’t something be done? It’s so unfair and not right, can you write to your MP? It seems to me that housing could be on the agenda right now, it’s so hard to leave for all of us because we simply have nowhere to go, especially if a refuge is not an option, and because there is also often financial abuse and we are penniless, but this is also a big part of it for many isn’t it – the debt we get saddled with; I paid his loan and his CCs off while we were together 7k and also gave him money to leave to help towards the costs, didnt end up in debt but it did cost me – dont really care now, feels a life time ago, but then I’m not paying out every month, year after year – pretty broke now though at the end of it all, well I say end, feels like it wont be the end until my child can arrange her own time with dad.

Have you tried writing to these lenders to explain, I’m not that daft thinking they will just say yes ok, dont worry about it, but maybe if you wrote to start and kicked up a fuss, then what? Ask to speak to people higher up the ladder after each rejection maybe? This is a huge issue that effects many, but not that many that something cant be done about it by the lenders. There needs to be discussion, action, change doesn’t there x

[Changeisgood]

Well done for breaking free. It took me (detail removed by moderator) years! Also had huge depts and it’s very depressing . Have gone through a debt charity and financially buggered for now. But we are free and we are safe ! That is something I never ever thought would happen

 

[Anonymous]

hi fizzylem
i have gone into debt management the debts hit £35k but he is out if MY house luckily enough i never put him on the tenancy agreement. im lucky there us no kids involved. i still get the texts i love you, i miss you i will change. but nothing will ever change. the abuse the mind games the running off to mummy when he needs a drink mummy doesnt know hes a p.head. im the baddy in her eyes nagging at baby boy. in so so tired of it all i have no tears left they have dried up

[Anonymous]

My ex is also an alcoholic. I got into debt, but have a really good job, so it won’t take me long to get up straight. I’m so glad he’s out of my life. My only regret is that I didn’t go to the police sooner. Try to focus on the positive if you can. Being free of an abuser is priceless. I hope someone on here can help you.

[Anonymous]

just reading the posts is so helpful knowing im not alone

[EbonyRaven]

Well done for getting away. My ex is an alcoholic also. He uses it as an excuse for his abuse. He also uses depression as an excuse for abusing and drinking.

He stole money from me regularly and caused so much hardship at home.

You are absolutely not alone.

[KIP.]

Have you spoken to citizens advice. They have debt specialists. You might be better declaring bankruptcy or taking him to court over the debt. Get some free legal advice from Rights of Women before taking on his debt. Block his number and go zero contact. It’s the only way to break free. Alcohol doesn’t cause the abuse, an abuser chooses to abuse and use and leave you in debt. Please don’t excuse his behaviour by using alcohol.

[lover of no contact]

I paid off my abuser’s debts(credit cards, tax bill etc) twice (thousands) when we were married and I didn’t realise who he was (an abuser). I kept telling him it didn’t make sense to be paying hundreds a year to cc company by leaving huge amounts on several credit cards. He was also spending on luxuries (large amounts of drink being one of them) as he liked. So I scrimped and saved;took on extra part-time work and I made myself and my several children do without. I really regret that now as he only went and ran up the exact same debts again. This time realizing I actually physically couldn’t do it again; I didn’t pay off the debts including ones where my name was on them but he was responsible for them as he had an excellent wage (as I had put a large financial sum of inheritance money into building his business up). These debts remained unpaid for years. He had the means to pay them off but he didn’t. We were threatened with court, constant letters looking for the money. It was so hard for me not to try to fix it but if I did my finances would be in a mess as I’m on minimum wage. We’ll eventually He declared himself bankrupt; he manipulated his earnings; so in one year of being bankrupt all his debts are written off. I’m so glad I didn’t pay them off when he ran them up again but I let someone else deal with his debts. Hope my experience helps.

[Author]

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