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    • #16751
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I found out that the abuser from many years ago is losing ground even in the country where we lived. He is withdrawing to the country where he came from a very long time ago. He is losing out.
      In the country where I lived before I have a friend and he has his office just a few streets away from where she lives. That is too awkward.
      At least over there they discovered who he is.
      I know now to whom I need to speak about him. That will cost me a lot of money, but who cares. I will save up for that.
      I can imagine from where he gets the money to build huge in his home country. Disgusting ….

      And the ex abuser/husband, he was protected. He can continue what he did even though he should not.
      I wondered where the obstacles I get come from. It seems there were phone calls. He called the bosses to give me a bad name. It worked in the former workplace.
      I can only hope he does not find out my new work place.
      Patriarchy is on the side of the abusers. We women are nothing. They are free to destroy us. And the government supports the destruction of abused women with f.c.i.g stupid laws. I need to start writing letters, complain about what happens. I need to shout it from the roofs that the laws are useless, women are not protected, abuse is being promoted far beyond fleeing the abusive situation.
      He has won in the end. He got what he wanted. He got away with what he did to me.
      I am the one with the PTSD and the injured body.
      And the health system makes a joke out of me. They gaslight me and ridicule me. I cannot have longterm counseling. I am lined up for CBT, which is not recommended by PTSD specialist Bessel van der Kolk. But it is cheap. I am a woman, so they give me the cheap treatment. Women are not worth anything in this f*****g world.
      F*** everything. I have had it.

    • #16753
      SaharaD
      Participant

      Hi Ayanna

      I had some childhood abuse from my parents and then the abusive husband. I avoid having conversations where my abusive husband might be brought up. Most people already know I don’t want to know anything about him.

      I work with a lot of men and I find it frustrating when they don’t give me any sort of career development or responsibility. Short of going out drinking and smoking and watching sports, I don’t know how to change it.

      My abusive husband was not even charged by the CPS but I’m glad that he got arrested and given “no contact bail” that gave me enough time to escape and get to safety.

      I don’t think mine won. I think he wanted totally submit me to his will and I would never let that happen.

      Yes I have after effects but the main thing is I suppose he is no longer in control of me.

      I have received long term therapy/counselling via the NHS and a year’s DV/DA counselling by a local domestic violence charity.

      I had to start with the most minor short term counselling in order to move on to more intensive therapy. I have got nothing to lose by going alone with their “treatment programme” to get where I want to be.

      We are worth something.

    • #16756
      Ayanna
      Participant

      My local WA refused to support me a while ago. I was not strong enough to question why.

      The abuser won because nothing affected what he is doing. He does something what he should not do. I cannot say here what it is. They protected him, so that he does not get affected and can continue as if nothing has happened. It is dreadful.

      I have physical lifelong damage from the abuse and I have no support with that. My GPs never wanted to know, not where I lived before, not the new ones.

      I was continuously gaslighted and my problems were minimised.
      He had all the support.

      I was bullied at my former workplace BECAUSE I reported the abuse and fought the abuser at court. Some strange things happened there. I am very concerned he can find out my new workplace.
      There are no government policies in place that have to be reinforced when managers deal with abused women. In continental Europe there are strict regulations how to support a woman who suffers from abuse and who flees abuse.

      I feel that I do not count and as a woman I am worth nothing. This is my personal experience for a long time now. And I receive the validation of this feeling ever so often.

      I did not choose to be abused and the more I think about the lack of support the angrier I become.

    • #16761
      Ayanna
      Participant

      And another thought: SaharaD, it was wrong that you were not given the appropriate therapy from the start. They messed you around and made you feel they did the right thing. They should have properly assessed you from the start and given you the correct treatment, without delay.
      The circus that happens with therapy is disgusting. As you might not be aware can the wrong therapy approach be very damaging to a patient. I have some understanding of therapy and I am very careful what they do with me. I do not accept anything they offer me blindly. I rather put up a fight to get the correct treatment, because I am fragile and do not want to suffer more harm.

    • #16763
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi hopeyou are feeling a bit stronger today. I saw a very very experienced phycoanalist mnay many years when I had ,had a breakdown, I saw him for 18 months and then he suddenley died.
      He warned me to be very very careful whom I saw for my issues , he said I could get very messed up with some People who were not experienced. I had not recognised the abuse at this tim e as such though he did touch on how I was being treated
      So do be careful, CBT is just behaviour therapy, I would not touch it, after abuse you need very expert deep councelling from person who is very familiar with it.
      The NHS in my area only offer CBT, its a joke just like putting a plaster over an infected wound.
      why dont you go back to WA in your area and if they refuse ask why this time.
      WA Councelling has shut down in my area.
      General councelors are trained to lokk at 50/50 in relationships in fact a lady who I know her husband had an affair with her best friend and she went for councelling ans she was asked if she made him a paced lunch each day to take to work and looked after him !!!! ie trying to look to blame her for why he did what he did.

    • #16766
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Thank you so much Godschild, for validating my concerns. I am going to ask the online service abroad for help because they seem to be more skilled, as I said in the other post. It is a shame, but I want the best for myself after suffering so much. I am sad that the health service does not provide approprpriate care for abused women. It is a huge shame, nothing to be proud about. And I feel sad for the many women who are being let down, left to struggle on their own, too scared to speak about their troubles because of negative consequences for them. This is not a year 2016 state of the art treatment

    • #16803
      godschild
      Participant

      Was pleased to read your other post re help from abroad, hope you can access this, this country is useless in the main for most things, I will not have a man to talk to either xx

    • #16810
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I wrote to them and I wait for their answer. The service is free for any woman who can speak the language. It is a good support while I wait for the wrong treatment.

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