I am new long time out but still suffer 20 years later?

[Happydreams]

Hello

I am very impressed by the very brave strong women on here .My problem is an old one I suffered the abuse in teens early 20’s.
It was a eventually pysicaly abusive.
I managed to escape by getting my mother to come over while he was out and grab all my stuff.
My problem is I never gpt counseling or help because I never managed to speak about it
until rescently when the abuser tried to contact me after many many years.
Does anyone have an experoence like this when the feelings are still of attraction but repulsion as well.Is it because I never got help.

I foolishly thinking it might help me get over it had a written conversation.
I have had flash backs and bad dreams.
I realise from reading your posts my possible problems with anxiety and concerntration at the time .So time after this probably came from this.
My problem was I was addicted to my abuser I can see when I read here online the typical
behaviours lack of effection etc he didn’t care about me or anyone really.
It has helped me reading your posts.So thank you all.

[Happydreams]

Sorry for appaling spelling.

[Iwantmeback]

Hello and welcome to our forum. We’re very good at compartmentalising our problems. We think we’ve dealt with them and then something triggers those thoughts off, and then it’s all you can think of. Mine was being asked what I’m doing fir Christmas this year, months before Christmas was even on the horizon. Only you will know if you need to talk to someone professionally, about this. I think in the end all we want to find out is why, how they chose us, why we stayed etc etc. But we do know the answers to those questions, so what else are we looking for. An apology, probably, just for them to say im sorry, I treated you like s..t,I was awful to you.
I was being groomed for want of a better description by a family member, luckily! It never ended in rape, but what he did to me has affected how I behaved to the other sex, and the type of boys/ men I saw as partners. Look up trauma bonding, it explains your feeling of revulsion and attraction so well.We are always here to talk to, thrash out your feelings. We’re the only animals that acts on feelings, not instinct unless in survival mode, which is what we live in, living with an abuser.
Again welcome and I hope you can put those memories to rest again. Don’t let your past define and shape your present and future. Certainly learn from your experience. It’s taught you what you will accept from people now, that’s only a good thing.
IWMB 💕💕

[Happydreams]

Thank you Iwantmeback.Yes I felt somehow ashamed.Anyway will look for books on trauma bonding.

[maddog]

Well done for posting here. You have survived this far with whatever means you have. Sometimes that means being able to clean your teeth and making yourself a hot drink. I’m in my 50s and still dealing with stuff that kicked off before I was at primary school. I’m told I’m doing well for still waking up in the morning, for functioning vaguely as a person. It’s pretty awful.

[Ayanna]

The best way to deal with your trauma is therapy.
Have you spoken with your GP?
Get a referral to your local mental health service.
This type of trauma cannot go away until you dealt with it.
Keep posting here xx

[Author]

Posts