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Just read a very good quote on Internet .
“ Whatever you do, don’t run back to what broke you.”
At the end of I am Nicola there’s a montage of all the good times they had. This is what we remember in the aftermath , and there were good times. But, when in doubt( and you will have doubt) remember what made you leave, -
Hi Fudgecake,
In the montage it was just the two of them, which eventually becomes smothering. I can look back on many happy times, but that was only when it was just us. Gradually I became more and more isolated, and got very down and couldn’t really work out why. Just as in the drama, we did absolutely nothing unless I arranged it. He just wanted us to always be at home alone together. Those times when seeing other people couldn’t be avoided, he would sabotage it by behaving disgracefully – especially if it was an event that I was particularly excited about. Or, he would behave well, but would be in foul form afterwards. And always he would apologise and say he had ‘issues’ to work on and I would feel sorry for him and genuinely promise to help him. But he did nothing about dealing with his issues – they were empty promises. It was incredibly stressful and frustrating.
He was a loner who wanted me to be a fellow loner in a colourless, empty world with just him for company. In that world, he would be nice to me, he would be very kind and helpful, but he would also gaslight me, control me and subtly undermine me, and play mind games that left me so confused. I stayed for quite a few years. Eventually he became violent, physically and verbally, and I thought it was my fault. He terrified me. Now I am out of it, but I need help to process it and build myself up again. The drama really drove it home to me just how bad my situation was, and helped to see it is recognised pattern of abuse. I didn’t cause it. I am so grateful to the people who made I am Nicola – they have added to my recovery process.
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Watched it last night, could relate alot, me just wanting to do normal things, him not wanting to do anything and never doing anything at all for me, same, I would switch between feeling it’s me, it’s my fault things are good right and raising this issue. He was really good at helping me to feel it was me with issue, me creating a problem when there isn’t one.
He refused to do anything with any of my friends and family and later on I stopped wanting to go to his sister’s as I started to sense I was no longer welcome. I noticed how some people were made a real fuss of when they were there and I wasn’t even offered a drink, which happened a few times. I now think this was because it is highly likely he had been slagging me off to her. Yet at the time I used to say to him it feels like somethings changed and I’m not welcome anymore and he would say, ‘it’s in your head’ – clearly my gut was right after all and he was covering his tracks when he said this – he thought nothing of doing this either – no thought at all to what that was doing to my head – he did this alot, felt like I was going mad at one point, didnt know what was real and what was not – but that was the final straw for me.
I liked how the writers chose for us not to see the characters shouting at one another, how they went for trying to portray the psychological and emotional manipulation – the entwine and the dilemas she faced.
I lost count of the number of times he threatened suicide in the end, I got to the point where I just saw it as here he goes again, just words, so because I stopped jumping to help, interestingly he stopped saying it.
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