I am out but still in

[Oceanastar]

I have been posting a little bit on here but i am still new to this whole thing.
I left him, took me a few times but i did it and I have no intention of going back but how hard is it once you are out. I am surfing friends and family homes with my daughter because he will not leave the family home its a joint tenancy. I have been in touch with the authorities all i get is that they do not get involved in domestic disputes but have referred me to a local DV, however i am still responsible for the rent if he doesn’t pay. I have been assigned a case worker but not heard anything. I have no real evidence of what was happening in the relationship (i dont think your told in growing up school to carry a recorder and take photographs every day) its just really my word although i am told to try and go back and amicably and sort the tenancy ourselves, take a third party if necessary, i have left because it was abusive!
I work full time and my daughter is in full time daycare to which i am paying. Hes left me in debt which yes i know i am responsible for, But how is this even fair!
Hes contacting me regularly trying to get me back, demands to speak to his daughter upsets her then nothing for days. Hes asked for contact which i will allow only with being there at friends and family homes because its been abusive and he was high as a kite on cocaine which is where most of this has stemmed from. I have read i should allow access as its in best interest of the child (i completely dont agree with this) but i am afraid i will damage my daughter, cause more trouble and be looked bad on. My head hurts with the whole mess!
I think i just need a break. I feel like screaming. Every turn is blocked. I feel utterly alone even with friends and family supporting me as much as they can. Even when i have plucked up the courage to return to the house he is locking from inside so i am unable to gain access to mine and my daughters belongings. His family are as use as a chocolate teapot giving him money for the bills (hes now lost his job) which is further trapping me in this situation. I feel so stressed and there is nothing i can do about it. I am powerless. I have no financial ties to him other than the house and the car which of course i am responsible for. I am living a nightmare after i have left.

[Lisa]

Hello Oceanastar,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see that you’ve had some supportive replies on your other posts but just wanted to acknowledge what you’ve said here.

It sounds like a really difficult time in terms of your accommodation situation. I wonder if it would be helpful to speak to Shelter about your housing rights. They have a helpline and can advise you around options in terms of your tenancy and housing options. They are on 0808 800 4444
https://www.shelter.org.uk

Turn2Us may also be a useful organisation to be aware of as they are a financial advice and support service. They can let you know of any extra benefits or grants you might be entitled to: https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Rights of Women have a free family law line where they can advise around the child contact: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

I can hear how hopeless and distressing things feel for you at the moment, it’s good that you are beginning to reach out and access support with what you’re going through. It’s very hard to cope with this alone.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Eggshells]

Hi Oceanastar

I’ve replied to you on your other thread and sent you a pm. Please do have a look.

Every turn should not be blocked for you. Your Local Authority does not have to get involved with domestic disputes but that is not what is happening here. It is domestic abuse and your are unintentionally homeless as a result and they do have to get involved in that.

Please do have a look at your other thread and pm. xx

[Author]

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