I am really struggling today

[Lostandconfused123]

Hi ladies, looking for a hand hold really, and some words of wisdom I think.

I left him just over a month ago now, the 1st 2 weeks were really hard, but then it got easier, until today. Today has been so hard, I don’t know if ita because I’m a bit hormonal, or because I’ve just let thoughts of him sneak back into my head. I can’t work it out. But its a bad day for sure.

He was emotionally abusive and since leaving I have read lots about n*********s and the typical cycle of abuse. He was text book those things and I am still working through it all in my mind without feeling like it was my fault.

Today I’ve allowed those thoughts to creep back into my head such as wondering whether it really was that bad. I’ve also started to feel sorry for him again, and question whether I miss him. Deep down I know I don’t miss him, he was an arse! I know I need to let myself grieve the loss of the relationship I wanted for us. But it b****y hurts!
I haven’t been able to cut him out totally yet due to some ties I haven’t dealt with yet. I need to sort them out but last time I contacted him it resulted in a barage of hoovering and love bombing, hence my avoiding contacting him again!

Anyone else been there?

[00breakingfree00]

Hi Lost and Confused, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Well done for leaving. My story feels similar to yours, I’ve left a little longer than you. At the beginning I felt numb and it was a relief to be away from him but a huge adjustment. I am still working through the emotions, there are good days and bad days. I still cry a lot but try to lean into it. I’ve done a lot of reading aswell, my ex was also a textbook narc. Blaming yourself is only part of the manipulation because you’ve been lied to and confused for so long. I somehow managed to go weeks without contact and broke when I had a particularly bad day recently which also resulted in a barrage of I miss you texts and how terrible he felt (emotional manipulation). Once you know the signs you need to keep reminding yourself that they will never change and you deserve so much better. These people get a kick out of any kind of reaction, I’ve used the grey rock method when texting for practical things that we needed to sort out. Stay strong and if you feel the urge to contact him text a friend or family member or do something to distract yourself. I know how hard this can be. Sending love ❤️

[Bananaboat]

Yes absolutely I find I miss him certain days and hate him the next. You’re going through a break up and despite leaving an abusive relationship you’ve still got all the stages of a breakup to work through. Remember the bad days don’t last, the sun will shine again.X

[Anonymous]

I had an emotional weekend myself, been away from my ex a few months , at first threw myself into anything was doing well , made lots of progress, then bang the weekend it just hit me , it’s over , we are over . I don’t know what I had been thinking , was I in denial all these months previously? Then came acceptance after the grief . I think all these emotions we feel are normal , it’s still classed as a loss , like the grieving process, I find days were I go back to our dating times , how it all began to how it ended . So you will have good & bad days , still early yet , it’s still a break up that you need to heal . Better days will come xx

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