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He texted me (detail removed by moderator),the first time in more than one month
I deleted his phone but…
We have been talking for hours and he looks like he still love me…after all he said wich meant the opposite:I don’t love you anymore,I want to be on my own…
He told me lots of nice stuff,he’s trying to rebuild his life bla bla bla,he didn’t say he want us together again but he gave me hopes…
I don’t know what to think anymore,I was trying to move on,trying to get myself back and now I’m in the start square again
Why???why he contacted me??
Please ladies,some comment would be really appreciated -
Hey my lovely Bethesda,
He is being so selfish and unfair to you! It’s the cycle, whether it’s the trauma bond, the abuse cycle or the codependent behaviour pattern. Even in a non abusive relationship that has broken down this happens. You are familiar to each other, you have shared so much with each other, we need familiarity to help us feel safe and secure. He too will go through these feelings, all be it for different emotional reasons – you’ll know exactly what it is he’s missing and don’t allow yourself to get sucked in and just think nice things! Be honest with yourself about what he is really like, is he really missing you because he finds you easy to manipulate or hurt and that makes him feel good about himself (all abusers are cowardly bullies under their disguises).
I know it must have felt wonderful to have his attention and to have his nice side but you must never let your guard down and forget just what a pig (and that’s offensive to pigs) he is!
You are worth so much more! Please hang on in there; be strong and brave and love yourself first and foremost.
Sending you lots of love, hugs and a hand to hold on to đ€x*x -
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It’s such hard work. And he really is a horrible man. He makes you feel good about yourself only so he can come back and make you feel bad again later. I would suggest that the best thing to do is to change your phone number and only give your new phone number to people you trust not to give it to him. Also make sure he hasn’t got you as a contact on any messaging apps like WhatsApp as they automatically update people with their contacts new numbers. It might be worth deleting any apps like that from your phone before you change numbers, then reinstalling with the new number, so the accounts are not linked.
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Hi Bethesda honey
Itâs called hoovering you back into the (abusive) relationship.
The reasons can be many; e.g. he hasnât yet found another source of supply providing him free housing etc, itâs then easier to recycle an old victim, itâs less effort, you are already groomed/brainwashed to his likings do you see?
Love bombing you, telling you whatever it is you wish to hear, he knows exactly which of your heartstrings to pull and melt down your heart until youâre giving in to his manipulations.
See it as him casting wide his fisher net and whichever âfishâ heâs catching is seen as potential prey. He is most probably seducing and love bombing other targets as we speak. Itâs just a matter of time until one will be biting. Please let it not be you dear honey, you have been through this, donât believe his sweet words, you deserve sooooo much better.You are free now and there is a beautiful life out there for you, recenter your focus on yourself, on your own wishes and dreams for your life. Find out what they are, explore this.
Concentrate also on rebuilding your social network with your old friends and perhaps with your healthy ex, they seem to have your best interest at heart unlike your abusive ex.Take in a deep breath and distract yourself with an activity youâre enjoying and keep posting here.
Start again going No Contact as this is the only safe way going forward, block his new number.
Itâs your time now honey!
Sending you lots of hugs and strength đđȘ
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Your not weak, infact your very strong to come on here and speak about it rather than just straight away trying to pursue things with him. Your on here for a reason, because he was abusive. This is just a small set back if you get back with him you’ll be even further back. Sadly he’s propbablly just trying to feed his ego in knowing you will still talk to him and are an option after he said all those things.
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Well
As usual,all of you were right
No sign of him since yesterday,that’s it
He just wanted me to mess my head up again,being nice,make sure that I still love him and then,vanished again
I’m so b****y blue again
I shouldn’t have replied his text and talk to him on the phone
In the start square again
JesusChrist,I only want all this pain,sadness and dissapoitment gone of my life
I’m pretty tempted to text him now that I have his phone number again but I won’t do it
He’s probably having fun in his new place,”rebuilding his life”(basically trying to get a job,if he can keep it for more than a few weeks,he only worked a few weeks in months…buy a second hand van and travel around the country and abroad,yes,he’s always thinking of me,I’m his priority)
What a c**p
Why??
I hate myself for being so naive -
Bethesda,
You feel awful because you had contact with him; weâve all done it and experienced the feelings setback that youâre feeling now but give it a day or two and youâll feel better. Heâs poison so thatâs why you feel bad now. Itâs hard to get them out of our head but hopefully your friends and the holiday will take his place in your thoughts and mind.
Enjoy your holiday ; you deserve it. Enjoy the break away and try and eat some simple but nutritious meals so you can get your strength back.
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