I beg to be put out of my misery

[Flyflyaway]

All j think about is dieing. I tryed his way out lofe and i feel depressed anxious, i tryed getting stronger to fight this sitation but i feel i can no longer go on. My anxiety is always there. I no if i talk to friends and family they will look at me like a alien like they dont understand that you can be abused without being hit. I feel like i cant go to the police because i dont have evidence and i wouldnt be able to recall every single thing because of the constant brain fog atm. A
Ive tried in the past to be sectioned but they rufused because knowing of my situation .
(detail removed by moderator)

[Flyflyaway]

I just dont know what to do anymoe. I am so poor all the time,he contols most of the money and now hes quit his job.

I saved money from christmas from family and friends which is ment to be for my driving lessons. But ive kept it knowing i need emergancy money just in case.

I get a few hundred a month and i spend it on bills and foood whilst his money he saves

[Flyflyaway]

Maybe bsing sectionex would be the best place for me? Has any one else been sectionex becuse they ouldnt take the abuse at home anymore?

[Flyflyaway]

The consultant at the hospital rufusex me last time becaue i knew my own brain compared to alot of the people in there suffering. Saying my situation will not change unless something is done with him hone, No amount of antidepressants or sleeping tablets will help. (detail removed by moderator) got involved but they didnt help much and to.be honest i downed played how i felt in the company of them because the thought of her being taken way from me through no fault of my own, scares the living days out of me. Shes my absolute everything

[Flyflyaway]

Sorry fast typing and abuser in other room

[Lisa]

Hi there Flyflyaway, I am very sorry to hear about how you are feeling. It is such a shame that you didn’t find the local domestic abuse service very useful.

I have sent you some further support via private message if you take a look.

Best wishes

Lisa

[ssid]

I also beg to be put out of my misery. Its no life is it.

I know its easier to say to someone else than see it yourself but I wonder how much of your feeling needed to be sectioned is just because he makes you feel mad? Even if you can’t say what hes doing hes doing it which is why you feel this way?

Does that make any sense?

Would it be better to flyflyaway to a refuge? At least there’d be other women there who’d understand?

Might be better than being sectioned which might be even more chaotic, as well as intrusive because of male nurses watching you? I’m not sure if men on section wards particularly care that having men in your private space make you feel unsafe and badly affect your mental health.

I hope you can manage to fly away safely.

[Flyflyaway]

Thank you ladies for your support. Its weird because i know its abuse ( my doctor said) but i still mentally denie it to myself or constantly auestion it, as its never been physical, theres people out there thats had it worse and the word abuse is such a strong word to use. I am more comfortable with it being called a toxic relationship even though its one sided.

[Flyflyaway]

It terrifies me to get official people involved also, because i dont know what he would do and that terrified for my mental health as i dont want to be watching my back more then what i am now. Ive tryed to leave before and he wouldnt go and then lately he’s tryed to discard me 3 times but still returns. I would prefer him going like a normal break up so i dont have to deal with futher abuse for getting officials involved

[Flyflyaway]

The merry go round goes like this, aggressive verbal outburst mixed in with body intimidation and then lovebomb me (now its for less then a day, then constant emotional withdrawal like i literally dont exist ( could go on for weeks). Then the circle goes all over again

[Flyflyaway]

Im tired of always apologizing also so i dont upsethim, one day i feel like i will have yo apologise for breathing. Everything i do annoys him, so the constant walking on egg shells. Its weird because i feel like im cheating him for being on here chatting to you ladies but ive had more care from you, then what i ever have from him and that speaks a thousands words to me. (detail removed by moderator)

[fizzylem]

FFA, sounds like its a break you need and to feel cared for, is this the appeal of being sectioned? Because this is the value that most find when going into hospital, it’s somewhere to relax and feel cared for, somewhere you can let it all go, somewhere to convalesce, to breath and feel safe.

There are other places you can go for convalesence; alot of the faiths offer this, recognise the need, they dont preach, it makes no difference what faith you are or if you don’t have a faith, their arms are open from one human to another and that is all, to give you what you need. You could maybe ask your local vicar? He would likely know where this place would be x

[Kitkat44]

Hi there
It’s so hard, I can hear how much distress you are feeling from your message. I completely understand that need to just flee, get away and be cared for. I’ve had times over the past few years hoping I would be ill, wanting to have to be admitted to hospital for something and I’m sure that’s needing to feel cared for as fizzylem states above but it’s only recently I’ve realised I’m feeling like I’m in an abusive relationship and I still can’t grasp it or that he chooses to be like this because sometimes it’s fine and although I don’t feel loved or appreciated my husband can be kind and funny and we get along but then something changes. He would say I get moody and don’t give enough affection or he will be horrible to one of the children which drives a huge wedge between us because I get so upset by this but he doesn’t see/think he’s done anything wrong and gradually we go back to being ok until the next blowup.
Take care xx

[Author]

Posts