I broke NC! Darn it!

[iwillbeok]

He emailed me (I have set up auto-forwaerwd to an separate folder so I don’t get notifications) about having the kids (detail  removed by moderator). So cross with myself for replying! I have been totally NC since we split (not a long time) and am so cross with myself! He very quickly sent another email (detail removed by moderator). Arghh. Have not replied to that. He has also sent request for son to bring the odd bag of his stuff when they have contact. Considering that kids walk down the road to meet him that is just ridiculous! (detail removed by moderator)! Pfft!

It’s all designed to make me look unreasonable I’m sure! He needs to find a 3rd party to arrange – and not our son!

[KIP.]

Hey there, take this as a very important lesson. I made the same mistake. It’s like opening the gates of hell then trying to close them. He now sees this as you agreeing to communicate meaning he can bully and manipulate you. He will try to blame you for ignoring him now. Please don’t fall for his games. I know how you feel. It’s like he’s taken the power back again, but you can regain that position. Start again. Total no contact. Some ladies on here have a contact book which their child takes between parents. That way any information only regarding their child can be noted down and passed between parents. It sounds like a good idea to me. Stay strong and don’t be hard on yourself. Even after X years away from my abuser I still have days when I think if we just sat down together we could sort out all the outstanding practical things instead of paying solicitors. The truth is if he wanted to sort things out, they’d be done by now. You’ve got this to deal with for a long time so set strong boundaries and stick to them. That way the kids know the boundaries too.

[Confused123]

HEy HUn

Dont be hard on yourself use it as a learning lesson at how he works, just start again n c

[Pluto]

Its hard isnt it. I have a contact book but i forgot to take it at the weekend so he thinks its ok to email me now. I want to message back and just tell him to leave me alone its nothing important that cant wait. But as you say hell takr it as the green light to keep messaging me or itll get twisted round that this is my fault. I just want to be able to get on with my life without him appearing all the time

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

As the ladies have already said, it’s sometimes easily done but chalk it up as a lesson learned. Don’t be hard on yourself, and start again xx

[iwillbeok]

Hi all & thank you for your encouragement.I have kept up the NC since.

I had a tough few days lately and he sent another email – thankfully I was in a strong mood so it didn’t faze me too much. He has requested more of his things and requested this (& future items) to be taken by our son when he has contact. Considering he has lots of stuff, and most of it is too heavy for son to carry, it is really completely impractical and it would take years!

Without turning my son into a messenger, a third party contact (we have no mutual acquaintances) or breaking NC, I want to be able to tell him to send someone e.g. man with a van to come and get the whole lot.

Would I be right in thinking this is his way of making the whole process be as drawn out as possible or provoking some kind of reaction from me?

[KIP.]

Yes, my ex sent people round on (detail removed by moderator) different occasions until I rang the police. Then he sent someone for the rest of his things who deliberately left stuff (still here). That’s his excuse to come back and keep contact. I wish I’d hired s man and van myself and got rid of it. I would recommend that’s what you do. To makes sure every little thing that’s his disappears. Don’t wait for him. Take control. Don’t know what age your son is but consider a contact book that goes between parents to avoid unnecessary emails.

[Author]

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