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Evening all,
Hope everyone is ok.
I’m spent. I’m so fatigued and exhausted. I’ve been solo parenting for a few weeks. I have a big family and I work. I also have health worries.
I’m trying to stay calm and determined but I’m beyond exhausted. I can’t do it anymore. I’m so tired.. I’m thinking it’s easier to be with him than without. Every day is testing my strength and I just don’t think I can do this. -
Oh lovely, be kind to yourself. You are doing it! It sounds like you need a break, easier said than done I know but is there anything you can press pause on – take some time off work? Can anyone have the kids for a night? Look up living in survival mode.
If you stood in-front of him then, or even now and said I’m struggling and need some help – would he genuinely be there? Mine would suddenly have to work or stay out overnight, or say he’d do something then not bother. Or he’d help but there’d be some kind of repayment down the line. Remember that feeling of dread you’d get in the pit of your stomach. Remember you left for a reason. Look noone can tell you whether it’s right to go back or not, that’s upto you but don’t do it because you’re not strong enough, you definitely are! It’s just a hard day xx
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Thank you Bananaboat,
I read your comment this am and it did help.
Historically . No he wouldn’t help. He’d tell me I’m making him feel bad for going to work to provide for our family. This was while I was heavily pregnant and life threateningly unwell. That’s just one example. Lack of remembering or coming to my hospital appointments with me leaving me to have invasive procedures on my own.
Since we tried to reconcile he has been better and come with me. And I know if I asked now, while we’re split he would come . After all- he’s waiting for an in isn’t he? He’s still refusing to have contact with the kids as won’t do supervised. He’s out doing whatever he wants while it feels like I’m drowning. I have to use my support network for when I’m in hospital so I don’t like to keep asking for help.
You’re right in that work is the least of my priorities. I could go off sick.will have to see how the week pans out.
Thank you again, I will look into the survivor stage.
Hope you’re ok? Xx -
I read your post and it really resonated with me.
Solo parenting is so so hard. I’m in the same boat. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing!
But at least I know I’m doing what is best for the kids.
My kids miss their dad sometimes but they don’t miss the swearing, falling down drunk version.
I know if he was back then social services would be too.I also know that most of the things that are so so tiring – washing, cleaning, cooking, school stress etcetec
even if he was here I’d still be doing most of them anyway.And when he was there and I was doing most of the chores we’d be arguing about it. So at least I don’t have to argue about it anymore….I just get on with it!! 😂
Hang in there. It’s almost the end of term – everyone is worn out and exhausted right now. Especially the kids!
You can do this!
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Im tired of fighting of walking on eggshells of having to lie to my husband just so I keep myself safe and sane. Tired of doing all the chores sorting kids house his business mine and work too which he hates im not even allowed to talk about my work.
Im tired of feeling like s**t of blaming and hurting myself when he starts as im not strong enough to leave im tired of living this life.
Sweetie you going back will it change your tiredness? Will it change how exhausted you feel? Or will that still be there but in a different way for different reasons? I can only imagine how hard it is to leave to try and look after kids and yourself after such a tough time and however hard it is, is going back gonna make it easier really?
Sweetie I think you know deep down the answer is No it wont be easier.
You have got to be kind to yourself allow others to help you dont be afraid to ask for help sweetie just not from him from those around you that will support you. Keep talking too its so important.
Stay safe xxxxxx -
The move to solo parenting is difficult. I thought I’d feel free and empowered but that feeling is sometimes taken from us when we don’t get basic support we’d expect they’d give their kids, but its another way to control us.
I have older kids so it’s a bit less of an issue as they demand less from me and they can stay on their own sometimes, and even if I still do all the chores as when we were married, at least there are less clothes and dishes around, and none of his mess to sort.
It’s sad mostly for kids but again feel proud you are offering them a better environment than seeing abuse all the time.
My ex also is making it hard to see kids, not agreeing to any rota, and says thats his strategy to try something different as doesnt want anyone who doesnt want to be with him around, and dont want kids to trigger him into behaviours he doesnt want to display anymore, he says he needs space to recover (obvs having zero regard to what me or kids need).
I’m slowly coming to terms with it and all I can say is that as kids grow older and are more independent it gets easier. You could always try to share a bit with them dependikng on age, I’ve agreed some new routines with mine and they seem willing to cooperate.
I also miss not having much “me time” but I had even less when married so I guess take any wins that what we can get and try to shift your perspective to what is positive.
Adjusting to change takes time and we’ll feel lost and unsure sometimes but never doubt you are better off outside the relationship. We need to drop any expectations they’ll change or cooperate and work on rebuilding our routines and support networks to find balance and happiness again… -
Thank you eyes wide open
Thanks for sharing your story. Thing is I already had kids when we met and I told him I didn’t want more.
But we had two and I’m old. I love them to bits obviously but if I hadn’t have had them I’d be able to live my life.
But now I’m left on my own with two very young children in my (detail removed by Moderator) for the next (detail removed by Moderator) years at least. I can’t see my life changing in the foreseeable. I’m so resentful of him! I can’t see a light
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