I can’t hate him

[marmaladechamp]

Sometimes I wish I could really hate him. I feel that if I did it would make things a lot easier but I can’t. I saw a picture of him the other day by accident and looking at his grin made me feel so many conflicting emotions. I loved him so much and still do. It made me miss the nice him who would make me feel amazing. The guy who made me laugh and was playful. Made me feel like I could do anything. Then I remember the horrible him who made me feel miserable and the complete opposite. Like it was a game for him to dangle the carrot in front of me and give it just enough for me to get the taste and be hooked and then take some pleasure in knocking me right back down again.

I just can’t believe he could do that to me, treat me that way. Get some kind of kick out of my misery and fear. Act like I was overreacting or that my own mental health issues were to blame for my reactions. How can someone try and destroy you like that? It’s been a few weeks now and it’s still so difficult. He’s also found a way to message me (detail removed by moderator)

I just want to scream and cry.

[KIP.]

Hate is a strong word. It’s very early days for you. Give it time. You will probably experience every emotion under the sun. Contact is toxic. Any contact. Direct or indirect. Find a way to block all contact until you’re stronger. Have you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? Or Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven. It’s good to know what you’re dealing with/have dealt with. Is also okay to cry. I couldn’t cry for a long time, so let it out x

[fizzylem]

You don’t need to hate him M; sounds like it’s dawning on you just how cruel he was. We all want to love and be loved, when I was with him I projected how I felt onto him, choosing to believe I love him and he feels the same (as this is what they say isn’t it – those 3 little words can get them out of a heap of trouble). Wasn’t true, I just wanted to believe it was for a while – guess that was me appeasing my ego. These men don’t have the capacity to love another, they are slaves to their egos, react from their emotions like a 3yr old. No self control or respect for anyone or anything. Self self self, take take take.

I used to think I loved him, but once I’d removed this love filter I could see more and more the horrid, vicious man he is – and I can’t love that x

[Anonymous]

I don’t hate my ex, even though he’s been convicted of assaulting me.I don’t want to waste any enervy on him, even hate.

[maddog]

Hatred takes up too much time and energy and these toe rags aren’t worth it. At best I find my ex pathetic and pitiable. I am just so glad he is largely out of my life and contact with him is minimal.

[diymum@1]

these men are actually pathetic – ive thought long and hard about how he turned out as badly as he did. i saw him being put down by his parents – i saw how his family especially his mum bullies people in the family. he saw her try to kill her self he found her – she was off course ok – a mother dosent do that to her children. i saw what a martyr she taught him to be. all learned behaviour and who he became. he treated me dispicably all because off what he had learned. inside he was nothing and this showed on a few occasions – his demeanour his walk head down xx i dont feel sorry for him he chose to go with what he had been taught. it feels good to know this was all him and not me and for so long i thought it WAS me. i do hate him for detroying my relationship with my daughter for that i dont wish him well. i couldnt give a c**p about how his life plans out or how hes feeling – time gives us that peace xx

[Author]

Posts