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But feel so guilty about breaking contact with him. God knows why i feel this way.. x
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You have been programmed to feel this way. Fear Obligation and Guilt. The FOG of abuse. There is only one person to blame for you having to take these measures. If he had been decent and reasonable in the first place, you wouldn’t need to resort to this. It’s for your own safety and wellbeing. You just can never ever reason with an abuser. Contact brings confusion, depression, danger. Think of it as a self preservation method.
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Icandothis, I feel similar at the moment about going no contact – especially because the last time I heard from him was him saying he wants me back despite me being cruel, punishing him, having no respect, no empathy, not being a decent human being and not acting like an adult. He makes out like I chose to leave him and my life, like I just decided to up and leave one day. Which hurts like hell and he must know that feel I want to answer him! He has the audacity to tell me that he has no closure! Though I tried to tell him how I felt time and time again and now he denies I ever told him anything, he appears clueless as to why I have done this. I can hear his voice in my head telling himself, me and everyone he meets about what has happened and I can’t defend myself or try to explain to him, because of the no contact – and because he wouldn’t listen anyway.
I feel guilty too and very confused.
Keep yourself safe, KIP is right – we can’t reason with an abuser and this is for your own safety and wellbeing x*x
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Hi There
Do you think it could go back to our childhood, patterns we’ve learned and carry over into adulthood?
If you were brought up in a family where you were meant to tolerate bad treatment, and still maintain relationships into adulthood with your family members despite their behaviour- ‘because they’re your family’- then I think it’s easy to transfer that mentality over into intimate relationships without being aware of it.
That is, the belief that however badly they treat you, you somehow are bound to remain in contact.
They truth is, you aren’t bound to be in contact with someone who abuses you. You gave him a chance before, and he slipped back to his old ways. You and your boys deserve peace and to feel safe.
Your ex has no one to blame but himself x
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