I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel

[Anonymous]

Hi I’m new here. I recently left my physically and mentally abusive partner (detail removed by moderator) which broke my heart. Things have got quite messy since then. He has had a restraining order so he can’t come near me but it’s really really hurting me. I love and miss him so much and I know I shouldn’t after everything he did but now I’m starting to question whether I did the right thing? 🙁 I can’t see a way forward from all of this

[Alicenotichains]

FlowersandRainbows,

My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar position, I have feelings of longing, sadness and loss about having to split with someone who at times was my best friend, my soul mate, my lover.
At other times however he threw me up against a wall by my head, tried to squeeze the air from my lungs, screamed vile abuse in my face, stole from me, gave me an STD, had social services threaten to take away my kids, bad mouthed me to lots of people, threw stuff at me, broke my stuff, constantly accused me of cheating, cheated on me, made death threats, took my money, stalked me…..

But then after a bit of time away I keep getting repeated thoughts of how nice he is and questions of if I have made a terrible mistake.
I think there is one terrible mistake that I could make and that would be to get back into the relationship- I would probably lose everything- maybe even my life- so why is it that I can’t see him for the danger that he really is. Have I been brainwashed?

I feel like my brain is being fried sometimes. It’s so hard. Yet I am sticking to no contact, like an addict coming off a drug that is bad for me xx we can do it xx

[cupofcoffee]

Absolutely Alice, they are like a drug and we are having to wean ourselves off them. We know they are bad for us but remember all the good times, but to go back would be to start the addiction again. There should be a 12 step programme for people escaping abuse, like NA or AA!

[Anonymous]

Hi flowersandrainbows

When I left my abuser .i was heart broken it was like my heart had been ripped out
But you will heal and it will get easier
I should of left so many times during the relationship but I stayed gave more and more
In the end he destroyed me

But iam stronger now i will never get used and abused again.. keep strong hun

You are not alone X

[Author]

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