I can't stop crying

[Prisoner]

I can’t look in the mirror, I hate what I look like, hate what he’s done to me. I can’t stop crying, I haven’t left the house since I got to my parents, I’ve hardly left my room. My mum managed to get the gp to do a home visit, she’s given me sleeping tablets and another tablet to calm me down when I get to paniced and anxious if that makes sense. I panic every time I hear the phone ring, I keep thinking I need to answer is fast. I keep reliving what happened last weekend.
But then I have moments where I just want to go home. He phoned me again giving me more abuse down the phone. My dad has now taken my mobile and given me a spare one to use. I don’t know how to do this.

[SaharaD]

Hi Prisoner

You don’t need to stop crying. Cry as much as you want. Crying never hurt anyone.

I had to have sleeping tablets and anti-anxiety tablets too.

I hardly every leave my room too. it hurts no one.

your dad is a very sensible man.

You don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror. in fact put post it notes on the mirror of the abuse you endured as a reminder to not to go back to the abuser in the marital home.

[Serenity]

Do t put pressure on yourself. You have been through so much. Let your family look after you. They sound very loving.

It’s great that your dad has given you another mobile. Your ex would be trying to manipulate you, so it’s good to have no contact X

[Serenity]

Don’t put pressure on yourself. You have been through so much. Let your family look after you. They sound very loving.

It’s great that your dad has given you another mobile. Your ex would be trying to manipulate you, so it’s good to have no contact X

[Prisoner]

I hate myself so much right now. This is all my fault, and he will end up losing his job, maybe go to prison! I feel so guilty I want to go back and put it right. But then I’m fearful of what he’d do to me.

I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel I want to be emotionally numb. (detail removed by Moderator)

[Escaped not free]

Hang in there! I remember that feeling. This is so hard. Cry if it helps. Def take the meds. Not something I would have normally done but these are not normal circumstances and it takes the edge off….it’s all it does. The phone being away from u is a great move. Although I know it panics you and makes u feel more anxious. I felt like I couldn’t go on the night I was made by my parents to report him to police. I felt, still feel entirely responsible. We did not ask for them to behave this way though. I’m hoping if I say this enough it will sink in. I know nothing I can say to you is going to change the situation u are in tonight but each day u are one day further down the line. This night, this particular night will be gone tomorrow and in turn the next. Just do whatever u need to do tonight to survive it. X*x

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

First of all u def not going back , what for so he can hurt u more? Sorry if i sound harsh but that is the truth, we cant help these abusers they are set in there own way, who cares if he loses his job, does it really look like he is sorry about what he did to u or how he has mentally and emotionally destroyed u. Im so glad your family is been supportive, thx god your dad took your phone of u and gave u a replacement with a new no. It does hurt loads when we leave, cause we actually get addicited to them like a drug even though they r abusing us . They know exactly what they r doing and just take advantage, if he goes to prison, good then i say, this is how we will get the message accross that men cant do this to us and think its ok. Cry as much as u need to , when i left ex i was acting so strongand brave infront of my kids but everyday when i was in car driving i cried , this pain has to be released,its been (detail removed by moderator)months and i still let tears stroll when im driving as thats my time to release my emotions. YOu have experienced a trauma, let your bopdy recover if u need to sleep and rest, do so, u r lucky u have a loving family to support u . If u findn it hard to look in mirror, dont look then , give yourself break, when i left my abusser i only look in mirror to do make up in morning for work, my mum actually had to say to me why r there no mirror s in house, my response was there r mirrors atatched inside the cupboards if anyone wants to look at themselves, let your brain and body process everything, take small baby steps, set yourself small goals,,maybe eating breakfast, joinig your family for a meal, going for small walks. U will get through this, post as much as u need to on hear about how u feeling, we will support u loads, remember we have been through this stage. None of this is your fault, dont blame yourself, we never asked to be treated like this, abusers only learn when police are involved and they face consquence, otherwise they get worser. Its normal to feel numb, u r in shock, your body is warning u not to go back this is why u r feeling scared of what could happen if u return, when ex was around me after i left i used to tense up immediately and be fine after he had left, again it was my body sensing the danger , trust your gut instinct

[Ayanna]

Hi hun, how are you today?
He deserves to lose his job and go to jail. I hope they lock him up. He had no right to abuse you and violate you.
You will see how he shrinks when he faces the law.
Abusers are cowards.
You are the brave one.
I know it is early days, but you need to feel proud of yourself that you stood up to him.
You did the only right thing!
Deal with him as he deserves, stand up to him in court! Tell them everything what he did to you!
Your wounds will heal and you will be the beautiful girl again that you were before he injured you.
Big hugs! x*x

[Starmoon]

Hi.. I do not go back. It’s not your fault it’s his. If he loses his job and ends up in prison it’s because of what he has done to you!! Going to prison will be what is rite!!
What he has caused. Gah these men make me so so angry!!
I echo what the others have said. Allow your parents to look after you. Stay in bed, cry and try to not think. I know that’s easier said than done. Try and take comfort in in small things like being wrapped up in bed and eating food your parents have made. Watch soaps or what ever mindless tv you enjoy. I had a brake down last year and because of my ex and moved in with my parents for (detail removed by moderator) weeks. I couldn’t leave the house or do anything for myself. I took my ex back and it was honestly the worst thing I have ever ever done! I believed it was my fault, that’s I had caused everything. Now I’m in a far worse place. What you have been threw is horrific and you need people to love and look after you xx

[Confused123]

Hey hun

Hope u feeling bit better today, sending u hug of support, remember u have a army of us ready to hold your hand through this hard time

[Escaped not free]

Hope you are feeling better today, although from experience im guessing not.
Thinking of you xxxxxx

[Prisoner]

I have had two days of nothing. I have got out of bed to take a bath and that is it. I’ve not been down stairs not eaten not had the TV on no music no book no nothing I have just layed looking at the ceiling crying until there was no tears left. Trying to find a way out of this sorry mess. But I can’t find any. Only one way and my parents are watching me far to closely for that. I won’t it to end I want it to stop no more nightmares no more

[Lisa]

Hi Prisoner,

Please be gentle with yourself. It is such early days and you have physical and emotionally been through a huge ordeal. It is much better to take it slowly in your healing process rather than try to rush forward. You need this time, you deserve this time. Perhaps tomorrow you might want to have a bath and something to eat if you feel strong enough. Maybe the next day you will make it downstairs, if you want to… Your poor body was battered and your poor soul was crushed, you can take all the time you need. Do you think you might feel ready to talk to the helpline? The lovely thing about a phone is that you can always hang up if you decide you don’t want to talk any more.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[White Rose]

It’s hard isn’t it? You feel rubbish and hopeless and let down and guilty and used and dirty and more.
It will get easier honestly, but not overnight.
You need to eat – try a bit of toast or some soup or fruit but eat something as it will stop mum nagging you if nothing else!
You’re safe where you are. Just take time. Try to go out into the garden if you can and get some fresh air. Watch a silly film with your dad one you can laugh at and lose yourself in for a few minutes! Maybe do a bit of cooking with your mum? Try to do some normal “mum dad and you things” and allow yourself to nurtured by them. Try to be comfortable being you and remind yourself you are an amazingly strong courageous woman and no one, not even that man you got away from, can change that. She might be hidden behind a wall of fear (and snot and tears!! ) but that woman’s in there.
Eat something please – it will help. Send your dad to the garage or local shop for some chocolate if you can’t face food! All dads like chocolate and maybe he’ll share with you if youre lucky.
Take care and remember you’re doing great xxxx

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

DOnt be hard on yourself, just take small baby steps, tommrow is a new day,even if u can sit downstairs for a while , sit downstairs in silence, force yourself to eat to keep your strength up even if its a few bites

[Prisoner]

Thank-you, you are all so kind, far more than I deserve.
Today I have spent much the same as the last few days haven’t left my room haven’t eaten, I just can’t.

I can’t do this it is all to hard. It’s too much.I tried to call the help line but I ended up just hanging up I couldn’t face talking.

I am sorry, I have brought this on myself. I have no right to feel like this.

[Millionpieces]

You are right, you don’t deserve to feel that way, but don’t forget you have been in really hard time, you have been hurt, physically and mentally. But the fact that you got away from something that is really awful is a bless. Now that you don’t have to be victim anymore. You are survivor. And too keep surviving you need to continue fighting. Fight for your self, love the person that he abused, look after her, you need to make her feel better. You have the chance now, at this time to do it, away from your abuser. You are save now, today, tonight. Make her save tomorrow, you don’t have to hang around your phone line anymore, you don’t have to be frighten when it’s time for him to come home. That is good things. Think about your favourite food, may be you would like that, not today may be tomorrow, keep thinking that you are save now at least from things that you have been dealing with before.

[Author]

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