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Hi All,
You’ve all been there for me, and one day I can give back the advice to others..
But please bare with me at present till my mind is in a better place if ever…
It’s quiet here, he’s still being extra nice guy..and although I’ve wrote the evil things down he’s done, my mind instantly forgets that the nice is the evil too..
My mind is so full of grief and anger, sadness, perhaps paranoia too.. that’s what my physchiatrist said my 2 daughter’s might think I’ve got beens I found out the other day they still don’t believe the abuse..
They always blame an DA counsellor I saw when I found out it was Domestic abuse. I think my daughter’s think they’ve either put that in my mind, or maybe made me believe it is abuse..
I may be nuts as everyone thinks but I haven’t made it up.. I know it’s real, and to be honest the strangling and other things my daughter’s witnessed seems to have been dismissed..
I’m on the verge of a major breakdow..I’m supposed to pick up my keys tomorrow, but I’m thinking I’ll just stay here, either that or admit myself to a mental unit..
What’s making it worse is my DA support worker is on holiday for 2 weeks… just when I need her the most..
I don’t know what to do, I didn’t take a sleeping tablet last night.. My brain was on the go for hours and hours.. think I had about 2 hours sleep..
Then he woke up and just opened the curtains .
I want to cry and shout and be angry..
I’ve left 3 times and know how hard it is..
Can I really do it again!!
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Hello Woollymammal
It sounds like you are in a very difficult position. But you have left twice before, so you must be very strong. You are strong enough to get yourself out of this abuse. The first thing you need to do is trust yourself. You know you are being abused, that’s enough. You don’t need anyone else in your family to believe you right now. If your children are old enough to question you and challenge you- they are old enough to stand on their own two feet. Turn your focus inwards. You are not mad.
Use whatever resources you can to validate your experiences and to give yourself the determination to plan your way out. There is always a way out, but sometimes the fear of the unknown is more frightening than staying. Until one day, a line is crossed and no matter what – you will never return. This is the breakthrough, and you will be ok. -
Think about how by leaving you’re validating your abuse. You’re showing your daughters, yes it was abuse and yes I’ve had enough, I deserve better and I’m leaving. Your mind is playing tricks. Ignore the doubts. Take that leap of faith. Just do it. You are not mad, you have been abused but the door is open for you to just walk through. You’ve done it before, this time you don’t have to look back. I’m so much happier now. I can do what I want, when I want. No more walking on eggshells. He deserves nothing from you.
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You know that Mr nice doesn’t hang about once he’s reeled you in or stopped you from leaving. He’ll slip back into the abusive behaviour soon enough.
Of course your mind is racing, what you are about to do isn’t easy. You can do it though. Let your anxiety give you the energy.
When you have the keys, and are behind that locked door of your own, ring Women’s Aid, another help line, or post here. We’ll all be sending strong thoughts and hugs.
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Hey W, you are not going mad, but you might do if you stay! I’m guessing you are worn out and feeling out of your depth, unsure whether you can cope, feels like a big challenge ahead; and you’re lacking in sleep; mind plays some horrid games when we have not had sleep doesn’t it. What is that saying, it will all look much better after a good nights sleep? True isn’t it.
Just imagine once you get to your new safe haven you can shut the door, draw the curtains, get in bed and sleep for as long as you like in your new found comfort and safety or do whatever you like! Head for peace. You really can do this; the rest can be sorted down the line, once you feel rested. Willing you on and out xx
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Hi WM, you are not the crazy one, what he is doing is crazy making and is against the law now and also comes with a custodial sentence. You can do this, he’s relying on you staying so he has his supply. Put yourself first my friend, you know the longer you’re away from him the more you see how they treat us. Reach out to your local WA, let them help you get out. Love and strength mo charaid.
IWMB 💞💞 -
Woolymammal, you are doing so well to reach out here. The effects of domestic abuse are devastating. A long time ago a clinical psychologist said he thought I’d been abused. It took me a long long time to accept it as I thought child abuse involved sex.
I know it’s not a consolation, but all the things you are experiencing are a normal response to what is happening to you. I could have written what you wrote. So many of us here have had similar experiences. I hope your shrink is helpful and you are getting all the support you need through this terrible time.
If you really need to go to hospital for sanctuary I hope it can help. I avoided it by the skin of my teeth. There weren’t enough beds and I only found out later that the doctors had been trying to get me in.
Keep going and keep breathing. It’s horrible to feel as though your very soul is being ground out. It is very positive that you are able to put it in a context.
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