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I didn’t think my situation with my partner could get any worse. I’ve been with him for (detail removed by moderator) years and have been gradually bullied and gas lighted into a mental mess. My partner goes out every single night and comes back when he feels like, sometimes ok but sometimes aggressive and picking fault with things I’ve done wrong. (detail removed by moderator) was his works do so at (detail removed by moderator) I tried to ring to see what time he’d be back. I got no answer all night, I repeatedly rang and text and at (detail removed by moderator) in the morning I lost the plot and drove the car all over the lawn and then on front of our gates to stop him getting access and locked and bolted the door. At (detail removed by moderator) he starts ringing door bell and phoning to be let in and eventually my son woke up and let him in. This morning he and his mother came in my room while I was in bed and proceeded to lecture me on how I have no right to lock him out and whenever I tried to speak the talked down to me. I started getting agitated and upset and I was shaking and his mother said “I see what you mean now about her” I left the room and the followed me into the bathroom where I shut them out and locked the door. When I reapered downstairs his mother told me I have no right to keep ringing him when he’s out and I shouldn’t pester him at works dos.
I never once got my point across that I didn’t pester and I rang at (detail removed by moderator) to see when he would be back as I was off to bed myself at that point. I deeply regret losing the plot and drilling his phone constantly but I just hate it so much when he ignores my calls. It’s been the start of so many arguments as I never know where he is. What started off a genuine call to say goodnight and what sort of time are you back has ended in such misery. There wasn’t much of a relationship left between but now his mum has stood up for him and given me a ticking off it’s just made me think nobody listens to me. -
Hi FB, you sound miserable, and that you’ve been unhappy for a long time. Its bad enough having relationship difficulties without his mum interfering as well. Clearly there are boundary issues in this house. I wouldnt dream of getting involved in my sons domestic and wuld only lend and ear if he sought it. I certainly wouldnt speak to his girlfriend. Can you leave? x
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You need to be happy and strong to pass that to your family. Being abused will leave you a shell of a person. Please talk to women’s Aid about a safe exit plan. It’s better to be from a broken home than an abusive one. Yes his behaviour is driving you to a breakdown but also to becoming someone you don’t want to be x
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I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to break up with these men and get re-housed, that’s why you need to pull in all the support you can. It is needed though and the only way to go. Remember, you committed to him at a time when you thought things were ok, it is his behaviour that has ended this, you did not sign up for this life or the abuse did you, it is him that has broke the family up, sounds like you’ve been trying for a long time to give him the opportunity to adjust his behaviour and he’s not listened and done exactly what he wants. Why does he not want to be home with his family? A family man doesn’t go out every night and leave his partner and children does he. You’ve been a single parent for a long time already. You will find you can do this better without his BS.
Children learn what they live, so yes, get you and your child out of this dysfunctional, abusive situation. Kids are much happier in a stress free, loving single parent household.
Keep posting, there’s lots to do and info you will need. Make today the day you decided ‘enough is enough’. You can do this, there will be obstacles but you can get over them. Yes call the helpline to get started x
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Thank you so much for those kinds words. I have given it everything I’ve got to make it work, putting my on a brave face last Christmas and being punched in the head because we argued about the fact I got the cleaners and I’m lazy and do f**k all to (detail removed by moderator) ago when he had to leave for (detail removed by moderator) weeks because of a physical attack on me. I wrote him a letter (detail removed by moderator) months ago bullet pointing what I need in an relationship and he doesn’t stick to my boundaries and will continue to go out every night and treat me like a second class citizen. I’ve arranged a viewing of a house and want to leave ASAP as we are now past the point of no return
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It takes two to make a relationship work and clearly he isn’t interested unless it suits him. It doesn’t matter how hard your try, I tried for decades. They only want to continue the abuse and will simply change the goal posts. Please get in touch with womens aid and get a safe exit plan in place. Do not tell him what you’re planning as it’s a very dangerous time for you when these abusers lose control. Get all your ducks in a row. Take any important documents to a friend. Passports, wedding Certs, bank statements, investments, savings etc etc. Get some free legal advice from a local solicitor or ring Rights of Women. I think they have a website too. Be prepared for him to play the victim. Stay strong. You deserve so much more from life. The gave you permission to walk away the very first time he abused you x
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FB, feel genuine tears reading your reply – ‘he punched me in the head’ – it’s sad isnt it that incidents like this get lost iost in the emtional abuse and the chaos of the next thing. So good to read you’re viewing somewhere already; try to keep your address from him and deal through a third party. He will jump on yur emotional heartstrings for sure and it sounds like he will get violent. Big higs to you, enough is enough now hey x
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