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    • #125869
      Hotdoghotdog12
      Participant

      I don’t even know where to start…

      My partner moved in fairly quickly. We never intended to be in a relationship.
      He had left his wife. Had nowhere to go. I said he could stay at mine for a few days til he found his feet. We kissed one night and one thing led to another. And then he never left.

      (Detail removed by moderator)  his son moved in with us

      I have 2 children. (Detail removed by moderator).

      He pays very little towards the house. It’s my house. My mortgage. And he pays (detail removed by moderator) towards the house, I pay all the bills, food, TV, gas electric.. you get the idea. I pay for everything. And he pays (detail removed by moderator) Works everyday.

      His son is (detail removed by moderator). If I tell him off for something he will not speak to me for days or weeks. I try and avoid having to have difficult or awkward conversations with him so he doesn’t throw these silent p***y’s.
      He has told horrendous lies online. Saying (detail removed by moderator). None of this is true. So I’ve removed his (detail removed by moderator). I have refused to allow him access to the internet again. I’m terrified the police will be knocking on my door to search for (detail removed by moderator) or something.
      My partner doesn’t agree with my stand on the internet. Feels I am being unreasonable. He says (detail removed by moderator). But my children are younger and there misbehaving is minor in comparison.

      About (detail removed by moderator) my daughter (detail removed by moderator) mentioned that he had (detail removed by moderator).
      I was furious. Immediately stopped him going in her bedroom and have said they are not to be on their own together.
      My best friend (detail removed by moderator). I spoke to her about it and she said it was the right thing to do. A few days later my friend rang back and said (detail removed by moderator) was going to make a referral to social care. We had an argument and it ended with me saying I would call social care myself. I spoke with the social care and they agreed with my actions.
      My best friend hasn’t spoken to me since. She doesn’t like my boyfriend or his son and feel that they are taking advantage of me. She says I am blind to how I am being abused by him. She was the only friend I had left really.

      His son hasn’t spoken to me since this. That was (detail removed by moderator). And I mean literally not a word. He refuses to bring his washing down. Won’t come down for his tea unless his dad makes him.

      My partner says (detail removed by moderator) but it is horrible. It’s so uncomfortable. I am working from home and it gets to (detail removed by moderator) and I dread him coming home from school.

      My partner and me have argued about this. He then doesn’t speak to me for days.

      (Detail removed by moderator)  trying to find ways not to be in the house with him and his son. I took my kids out (detail removed by moderator). I took them to my parents. And then on (detail removed by moderator) my daughter  (detail removed by moderator) she doesn’t want to stay at home. I was heartbroken. My ex husband was abusive and I’ve worked so hard to buy our house (detail removed by moderator) where we were safe. This is our sanctuary. And she doesn’t want to live here.
      My boyfriend says (detail removed by moderator).

      I keep telling him I’ve had enough. And he starts shouting saying they’ll leave then. But he has nowhere to go. And says he can’t afford to rent anywhere.

      He (detail removed by moderator) Turning my back on him.
      He makes me feel so guilty. But I have to put my children first.
      I know that sounds selfish and he says I should treat them all fairly.

      I don’t know if I am being too sensitive to all this. Or if others are right and they are being unfair.

      I just feel so confused by it all. 🙁

    • #125872
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      hi my lovely, Im so sorry to hear what a horrible time you are having.
      It all sounds so stressful and unhappy. my thoughts are with you.

      In my opinion hun, (leaving a dv relationship myself and now having my own sanctuary.)

      and i appologise if i speak out of turn or upset you, but these are my thoughts:

      you allowed him to stay, for a while until he got himself sorted. This does not give him the right to stay indefinetly, unless of course you have both discussed this. (which im guessing you have not)

      He sounds like he has got his feet well under the table, and is going to stay there unless you say something.
      This is going to be a tough thing to do, and only you will know how best to come at this- knowing his type and characteristics.

      maybe having a chat and explaining “kids have been through alot, and are struggling with the change, it may be better for them at this point that you got your own pace”

      or maybe ask him if he has had any luck with finding a place, or mention contributing the bills until he has somewhere else.

      this way you will be able to gauge his intentions, sometimes people get their feet under the table and just feel comfortable and need a nudge to put them back on track (they forget this situation isnt perminant or they wish it would be) others though- take us for granted on purpose, they are like leaches and need to be treated as such.

      i think it sounds like he is a bit controlling and his son follows his behaviour (im sorry if that seems harsh, and i am only going off what i have read.) but if you and your children dont feel safe in your home then something is very wrong.

      im sending you strength and love.

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